Friday night, 11pm, a young man in China, what do you do? I could go to the city centre to sample the nightlife where my friend is going tonight but I have a cold at the moment, my nose is redder than the flag of China and my lips are dry and white like a Hovis crust.
So I'm doing what seemingly a lot of young guys do in Xi'an - go to the Internet bar. Personally, I find it quite strange that this is their activity of choice on a weekend evening. But they are not alone. There are lots of Pakistani guys here as well. They all study medicine at university in Xi'an, and the only time I see them is at night, when I'm on my way home and they are on their way to the 'wang ba' (netbar). Joining them is a contingent of Kazakhs, both groups playing 'Counter Strike', one of these games involving guns, bombs, randomly placed wooden pallets and really interestings things like that. Actually, it's probably good the Kazakhs are here, because last week 30 of them got in a huge fight with some Chinese guys, and the police came along and gave them enormous fines. I just hope the Chinese yuan / Kazakh tenge exchange rate is favourable. The Chinese guys like Counter Strike as well, but they also play this dancing game, which just must have been designed for girls under 10.
The best part is when you come in after 10pm, the receptionist will ask you if you're here for the whole night or just a few hours. Surfing a whole night's internet is a perfectly acceptable activity, indeed, it's considered 'cool'. If you go to a netbar early in the morning, maybe 8 or 9, you'll see the remnants of last night's Counter Strike battle strewn across three chairs, sleeping soundly now they have killed their friend over 400 times repeatedly.
So what do the girls do? Attractive girls will take advantage of the huge demand for attractive girls, and work in bars and nightclubs, drinking with guys and earning money for the bar. Others will work in nightclubs or KTV (karaoke places), where you pay for the privilege of having someone sit with you. In my hotel - in every large hotel in China - you'll have one of these KTV places, and a sauna/massage place on another floor, where you can get a little something extra for the gentleman customer. I don't really know what to say when these American guests ask me if we have a massage place, because no-one is meant to know about this (although everyone, of course, does). Presumably the customers are mostly these moneyed, fat guys. I'm fairly ambivalent about it, but it does seem a rather sad way to live, for the girls as well as the men.
Speaking of my hotel, I had quite a difficult evening today - nothing but complaints. (And the for first 45 minutes I was looking for my laundry, which turned out to be lost). I had the "I've been travelling for over 30 years and have never experienced such appalling service" speech from several guests - all from the UK and Ireland, actually. Most of the problems are due to the formidable language barrier mentioned in a previous post. I think the English-speaking guests cheer up after finding a foreigner there and like chatting to me about China.
All our guests are are mostly middle-aged people, coming on package tours, seeing the big cities and shows and main sights, etc. It's interesting talking to them, because sometimes they have a completely different view on China. An Irish woman said to me today how hard-working Chinese people are, and how there was no litter. I don't know what country she was describing, it certainly wasn't the one I live in. In saying that, I'm hardly an expert myself, and I would be very suspicious of people calling themselves China experts, such is the nature of this beast.
The biggest benefit of working in the hotel is the Western buffet. I make generous use of the term 'buffet', and stuff in as much meat, fruit, and non-diced-to-smitherens vegetables as I can in 20 minutes. I then have 4-5 minutes to make short-work of the cheese platter and 3-4 minutes to make mincemeat of the fruit selection, followed by a minute or two for digestion. After all, I'll need all the calcium and protein I can get for an entire night of shooting rogue terrorists and perfecting my break-dancing.
Friday, 19 October 2007
Sunday, 7 October 2007
The Princess of Belgium and the short one from Hale and Pace
Firstly, hats off to the England rugby team on a sterling victory over Australia. I should also personally thank David Campese (Australian idiot) for his expert pre-game analysis - 'England have no idea and will lose'. Good call, Dave. Also hats off to the New Zealanders, who have choked yet again. To cock it up that many times is an achievement in itself.
Guest: Can you speak English?
Hotel staff: Yes.
Guest: What time is breakfast?
Hotel staff: Yes.
Guest: No, I said what time is breakfast?
Hotel staff: No.
(Guest angrily exits).
One of the receptionists is actually scared of foreigners. When a foreigner came to the front desk, she would glance up at him, the foreigner would open his mouth to speak, then she would just turn away, hoping this ogre will go away.
I also love the way they deal with things. You ask someone for something, they will ask someone else, they will ask someone else, they will ask someone else, and a long time later you will get the opposite of what you originally asked for. It's like Chinese whispers without the whispering.
The F1 people mostly consisted of Italians, a few other Europeans and some Arab princes. The main thing I noticed was how physically big Europeans are. It was pretty obvious that the Europeans were the ones driving the boat, fixing the boat, etc, and the Arab playboy princes were providing the funding. I saw the Princess of Belgium, but she didn't look very pretty to me. Also, one of the Finns looked just like the short one from Hale and Pace. Maybe it was him, who knows. I've seen a lot of lookalikes recently, actually - last week, I saw a French guy who looked just like Dr Mengele.
Speaking of Germans (good link, huh), with this new found income I can afford to go to the German owned supermarket near my flat to buy some decent stuff and start doing my own food, particularly breakfasts. I just love the garden furniture display outside, and the fact that not one single person in China has a garden. Genius. But inside they have a good array of breakfast materials, so I bought some Chinese yoghurts, French cereal bars and German cornflakes - 'Der knusperfrische Start in der Tag'!! Ja, tasten ist gut. The controversy about Chinese made products has some truth - a lot of things made here are poor quality. But that's why they are so cheap - pay peanuts, get monkeys. If you pay a labour force nothing and ensure that safety standards are not enforced in the effort to keep costs down and profits up for non-producing managers and directors, it should be unsurprising that quality is an issue.
Recently I've been in the local bar a lot, ostensibly to practice Chinese. There was a guy there last week, I guess he could be considered 'cool', he had a friend and some attractive girls sitting around him. He wore dog slippers that looked like the car in Dumb and Dumber, and when he sat on the desk, he sat with his knees up like a kid. These are the cool guys. Another time, a group of middle-aged men, bored with their wives, came in because they heard that this bar had a lot of 'mei nu' (beautiful girls). When the bartender said they had gone home for the holiday, they left because the only decent way for moneyed, married, middle-aged men to drink in China is to pay young, bored-looking girls to sit and drink with you. These are the cool guys.
A couple of weeks ago, I met a person who lives on the floor above me. A couple of times a week we get together, speak Chinese, English, etc. But she wants to watch Friends, which is good for me (nice to see some TV that I can understand). She pauses it in places she doesn't understand, and I explain. Incidentally, she is a Christian (I've met more Christians in Xi'an than in England), and being Chinese as well, incredibly conservative. Yet she has a tremendous ability to pause the DVD on all references to sex and amusing body parts. Recently I've had to explain the meaning of the following: 'diaphragm', 'wood' (the other meaning), 'skidmark', 'burning loins', 'topless babes', 'taking me roughly in the barn', and so on.
And finally, a word on the weather. 4 weeks ago it was extremely hot, sweaty and horrible, now it is freezing cold, wet and horrible. Autumn lasted an entire 3 weeks. Hats, gloves, scarfs, the whole kaboodle has been dusted off and all is being worn. And to cap it all off, everytime it rains my building has no hot water, so ice cold showers all round. Still, I'm not fussed - the main thing is we beat the Aussies.
For the last few weeks, I've spent a fair amount of time on the Internet, following the rugby. I really should be using this time to read Chinese, but reading Chinese is painfully slow and lacking in rugby-orientated content. My task for next week is to find a place to watch the semi-finals. I found a German bar the other day with excellent imported German beer, so there must be somewhere in this 6 million person city with satelitte TV.
As to the title of this blog, these are two people I saw in my new job, which I started last week. I work 3 evenings a week in a hotel, supposedly as 'General Service Manager', but really just talking to the foreigners, a little translating, a little sorting out foreigner-related problems, etc. I wear an outfit that makes me look like Alan Partridge - blue, white and yellow striped club tie, etc. It's pretty simple work, and I get a free Western buffet dinner every shift. Taking full use of this offer, last time I had, amongst numerous other things, 8 mini steaks.(Incidentally, last week I arrived for work too early, so went to have a quick look at a nearby park, adjacent to the city wall. Everyone stared at me when I went in, but it's fairly normal in China, I thought nothing of it. Then this guy comes up to me, chats a bit, asks if I want to take a walk with him. I say no. Then another guy comes up, we have an identical conversation. Thinking something is a little fishy, I turn round and there's lots of people standing behind me, staring at me. Then I realise everyone here is male, and that I had found Xi'an's Clapham Common. A hasty retreat followed).
This last week, the World F1 Powerboat Championships came to Xi'an, and for some strange reason they all stayed at our hotel. I say strange, because this is at most a 3 star hotel, yet they call themselves 'pre -5 star', whatever that means. Throughout the week, there were a number of problems, mostly stemming from the Chinese staff being hopeless at English. It's good for me, because I can practise Chinese with them, but it's amazing how bad it is, given how long they study it for. Typical conversation is as follows:
Guest: Can you speak English?
Hotel staff: Yes.
Guest: What time is breakfast?
Hotel staff: Yes.
Guest: No, I said what time is breakfast?
Hotel staff: No.
(Guest angrily exits).
One of the receptionists is actually scared of foreigners. When a foreigner came to the front desk, she would glance up at him, the foreigner would open his mouth to speak, then she would just turn away, hoping this ogre will go away.
I also love the way they deal with things. You ask someone for something, they will ask someone else, they will ask someone else, they will ask someone else, and a long time later you will get the opposite of what you originally asked for. It's like Chinese whispers without the whispering.
The F1 people mostly consisted of Italians, a few other Europeans and some Arab princes. The main thing I noticed was how physically big Europeans are. It was pretty obvious that the Europeans were the ones driving the boat, fixing the boat, etc, and the Arab playboy princes were providing the funding. I saw the Princess of Belgium, but she didn't look very pretty to me. Also, one of the Finns looked just like the short one from Hale and Pace. Maybe it was him, who knows. I've seen a lot of lookalikes recently, actually - last week, I saw a French guy who looked just like Dr Mengele.
Speaking of Germans (good link, huh), with this new found income I can afford to go to the German owned supermarket near my flat to buy some decent stuff and start doing my own food, particularly breakfasts. I just love the garden furniture display outside, and the fact that not one single person in China has a garden. Genius. But inside they have a good array of breakfast materials, so I bought some Chinese yoghurts, French cereal bars and German cornflakes - 'Der knusperfrische Start in der Tag'!! Ja, tasten ist gut. The controversy about Chinese made products has some truth - a lot of things made here are poor quality. But that's why they are so cheap - pay peanuts, get monkeys. If you pay a labour force nothing and ensure that safety standards are not enforced in the effort to keep costs down and profits up for non-producing managers and directors, it should be unsurprising that quality is an issue.
Recently I've been in the local bar a lot, ostensibly to practice Chinese. There was a guy there last week, I guess he could be considered 'cool', he had a friend and some attractive girls sitting around him. He wore dog slippers that looked like the car in Dumb and Dumber, and when he sat on the desk, he sat with his knees up like a kid. These are the cool guys. Another time, a group of middle-aged men, bored with their wives, came in because they heard that this bar had a lot of 'mei nu' (beautiful girls). When the bartender said they had gone home for the holiday, they left because the only decent way for moneyed, married, middle-aged men to drink in China is to pay young, bored-looking girls to sit and drink with you. These are the cool guys.
A couple of weeks ago, I met a person who lives on the floor above me. A couple of times a week we get together, speak Chinese, English, etc. But she wants to watch Friends, which is good for me (nice to see some TV that I can understand). She pauses it in places she doesn't understand, and I explain. Incidentally, she is a Christian (I've met more Christians in Xi'an than in England), and being Chinese as well, incredibly conservative. Yet she has a tremendous ability to pause the DVD on all references to sex and amusing body parts. Recently I've had to explain the meaning of the following: 'diaphragm', 'wood' (the other meaning), 'skidmark', 'burning loins', 'topless babes', 'taking me roughly in the barn', and so on.
And finally, a word on the weather. 4 weeks ago it was extremely hot, sweaty and horrible, now it is freezing cold, wet and horrible. Autumn lasted an entire 3 weeks. Hats, gloves, scarfs, the whole kaboodle has been dusted off and all is being worn. And to cap it all off, everytime it rains my building has no hot water, so ice cold showers all round. Still, I'm not fussed - the main thing is we beat the Aussies.
Saturday, 22 September 2007
Do fish get thirsty?
This question has been puzzling me recently. Answers on a postcard, please. Also puzzling are the following fish-related questions - 1), do fish get bored in goldfish bowls? 2), would they like to go out and swim freely, or do they enjoy the protection afforded by a bowl habitat? And 3), we eat shrimps, crabs, etc, but why don't we eat goldfish?
As you can see, I've really been immersing myself in Chinese recently. The last few weeks have been a fraction worrying, in that I've discovered I just do not speak enough Chinese. However, the plus side about learning language is that this situation is not out of my control, and I've found some ways to change it. One of them is the dreaded 'language exchange', one hour English, one hour Chinese, etc. I say 'dreaded', because my pet hate is speaking English to Chinese people. So I'm putting up a notice on a noticeboard tomorrow - '1 hour English, 2 hours Chinese'. Seeing as this entire country is seemingly learning English, I expect to find takers.
As for the weather, it's just as weird as China itself. About 3 weeks ago, it was 37 degrees or so. Then it rained for a day, and when it stopped raining, it was about 25 degrees and has been so ever since, with clear blue skies and moderately breathable air. The feel of the city has changed, there are less short skirts around, men are no longer rolling up their trousers to air their shins, and I've been able to study in my room without passing out. With the clear skies, however, you can see just how bad the air is - all along the horizon line, it's just brown, stretching out miles all the way to the surrounding mountains. To think I'm breathing this in all the time is not pleasant. In fact, general unhealthiness of lifestyle is probably the thing I like least about being in China.
Taking advantage of this good weather, I caught a bus out to the countryside and went to a Buddhist temple. Visitors to China may suffer from the phenomenom 'templed out', which is even mentioned in Lonely Planet, and means having seen so many temples that they aren't interesting any more. This is true, but the one I went to had no other people there, and the temple grounds were a very nice place to read Dostoevsky's The Karamazov Brothers (not his best, ed.). The monks invited me to lunch, and then afterwards I spent the afternoon with one of them drinking green tea and, when he wasn't answering his mobile phone, discussing the wrongs of consumerism in modern society and how Buddhism has the answer. At least, I presume that's what we were talking about, I really didn't catch most of it. I did, however, receive a pamphlet.
Today I went to something called Cosplay, with is big in Japan and involves lots of 16-23 year olds getting together in groups and dressing up like their favourite Japanese computer game characters and having people take photos of them. I was pretty much the only person there who didn't like computer games, and not dressing up like a princess from another planet or whatever, I didn't get a huge amount from it. It was still pretty interesting, though, to see how the really cool kids spend their time. And I had some people I knew there, so I got in for free and spoke some Chinese.
In other news, my idea to start running again has been hamstrung by the military. That is, all 1st year university students currently have no lessons and must do military training, most of it on the running track, and lasting all day, every day for one month. It mostly consists of short bespectaled students in Army fatigues either a) practising to stand still for hours on end b) practising to sing for hours on end and c) goosestepping across the football pitch like Nazis for hours on end. The thing that strikes me is how unthreatening and pointless it all looks. Still, nice weather for it.
As you can see, I've really been immersing myself in Chinese recently. The last few weeks have been a fraction worrying, in that I've discovered I just do not speak enough Chinese. However, the plus side about learning language is that this situation is not out of my control, and I've found some ways to change it. One of them is the dreaded 'language exchange', one hour English, one hour Chinese, etc. I say 'dreaded', because my pet hate is speaking English to Chinese people. So I'm putting up a notice on a noticeboard tomorrow - '1 hour English, 2 hours Chinese'. Seeing as this entire country is seemingly learning English, I expect to find takers.
As for the weather, it's just as weird as China itself. About 3 weeks ago, it was 37 degrees or so. Then it rained for a day, and when it stopped raining, it was about 25 degrees and has been so ever since, with clear blue skies and moderately breathable air. The feel of the city has changed, there are less short skirts around, men are no longer rolling up their trousers to air their shins, and I've been able to study in my room without passing out. With the clear skies, however, you can see just how bad the air is - all along the horizon line, it's just brown, stretching out miles all the way to the surrounding mountains. To think I'm breathing this in all the time is not pleasant. In fact, general unhealthiness of lifestyle is probably the thing I like least about being in China.
Taking advantage of this good weather, I caught a bus out to the countryside and went to a Buddhist temple. Visitors to China may suffer from the phenomenom 'templed out', which is even mentioned in Lonely Planet, and means having seen so many temples that they aren't interesting any more. This is true, but the one I went to had no other people there, and the temple grounds were a very nice place to read Dostoevsky's The Karamazov Brothers (not his best, ed.). The monks invited me to lunch, and then afterwards I spent the afternoon with one of them drinking green tea and, when he wasn't answering his mobile phone, discussing the wrongs of consumerism in modern society and how Buddhism has the answer. At least, I presume that's what we were talking about, I really didn't catch most of it. I did, however, receive a pamphlet.
Today I went to something called Cosplay, with is big in Japan and involves lots of 16-23 year olds getting together in groups and dressing up like their favourite Japanese computer game characters and having people take photos of them. I was pretty much the only person there who didn't like computer games, and not dressing up like a princess from another planet or whatever, I didn't get a huge amount from it. It was still pretty interesting, though, to see how the really cool kids spend their time. And I had some people I knew there, so I got in for free and spoke some Chinese.
In other news, my idea to start running again has been hamstrung by the military. That is, all 1st year university students currently have no lessons and must do military training, most of it on the running track, and lasting all day, every day for one month. It mostly consists of short bespectaled students in Army fatigues either a) practising to stand still for hours on end b) practising to sing for hours on end and c) goosestepping across the football pitch like Nazis for hours on end. The thing that strikes me is how unthreatening and pointless it all looks. Still, nice weather for it.
Wednesday, 12 September 2007
Survival tips for China
Fancy a trip to China? Don't forget to pack the following 10 items.
1) Sense of humour. Without it, China sometimes seems a rather grim place. With it, everything becomes interesting and a source for humour.
2) Sense of humour. I really mean it.
3) Some paper/books to sit on. When sitting down somewhere outside, a Chinese person will always sit on something to prevent their trousers getting dirty. The other day, a friend of mine saw someone picking an old newspaper off the ground and sitting on it. Because those old papers are really clean.
4) Toilet paper. None is provided.
5) Cigarettes. You'll often get offered one, so it's a good idea to have some of your own to return the favour.
6) A Portuguese passport. This means, when someone says 'Where are you come flom', in order to practise their English, you can legitimately say you're not American/English, etc and continue the conversation in Chinese. Unless of course, you do what I do, and lie. About 40-50 people in Xi'an have now met a Portuguese guy called Carlos, who looks suspiciously like the English guy their friend knows.
7) A map of China with Taiwan shaded the same colour as the mainland.
8) Haggling skills. I've yet to master.
9) One of those rollbars they have in rally cars to fit in your taxi before setting off.
10) Your business card. I got given one today by some guy who owns an English language school. The English name of his school was spelt wrong.
Things you won't need
Arrogance. We all know Europe is less populated, cleaner, no silly tones in the language, etc. But if you come here with the 'we're better' attitude, there is really not much point in coming at all.
A phrasebook. No one will understand you anyway.
Knowledge of MaoZeDong and the Cultural Revolution in particular. Young people in China have about as much interest/respect for this period as a New Zealand sheep farmer.
A wallchart for the Rugby World Cup. If you want to watch that, forget it.
1) Sense of humour. Without it, China sometimes seems a rather grim place. With it, everything becomes interesting and a source for humour.
2) Sense of humour. I really mean it.
3) Some paper/books to sit on. When sitting down somewhere outside, a Chinese person will always sit on something to prevent their trousers getting dirty. The other day, a friend of mine saw someone picking an old newspaper off the ground and sitting on it. Because those old papers are really clean.
4) Toilet paper. None is provided.
5) Cigarettes. You'll often get offered one, so it's a good idea to have some of your own to return the favour.
6) A Portuguese passport. This means, when someone says 'Where are you come flom', in order to practise their English, you can legitimately say you're not American/English, etc and continue the conversation in Chinese. Unless of course, you do what I do, and lie. About 40-50 people in Xi'an have now met a Portuguese guy called Carlos, who looks suspiciously like the English guy their friend knows.
7) A map of China with Taiwan shaded the same colour as the mainland.
8) Haggling skills. I've yet to master.
9) One of those rollbars they have in rally cars to fit in your taxi before setting off.
10) Your business card. I got given one today by some guy who owns an English language school. The English name of his school was spelt wrong.
Things you won't need
Arrogance. We all know Europe is less populated, cleaner, no silly tones in the language, etc. But if you come here with the 'we're better' attitude, there is really not much point in coming at all.
A phrasebook. No one will understand you anyway.
Knowledge of MaoZeDong and the Cultural Revolution in particular. Young people in China have about as much interest/respect for this period as a New Zealand sheep farmer.
A wallchart for the Rugby World Cup. If you want to watch that, forget it.
Tuesday, 11 September 2007
'Your pronunciation is causing me physical and/or mental suffering'
And so goes the latest gory indictment of my less than stellar progression in Chinese, the world's most traumatised and traumatising language. This confidence-imbibing remark was made to me this morning by one of my teachers at the university. In fairness, she does have a point: my pronunciation is dreadful. I just have to admire the frankness.
The new term started last week. I'm in what's meant to be the 'Upper Intermediate' class, which has about 11 students - half are Koreans, two Japanese, a Thai and an Aussie. It's not bad, but with the teaching more or less remaining as it is, it remains an ineffective way of learning language. While I plan to be in China for 2008, I doubt it will be at a formal institution like this. Whichever way you look at it, and I've looked at it every convievable way, Chinese is an absolute stinker of a language.
Yesterday I spent 3 hours writing out characters over and over again. And the really fun thing about this is, is it 24 hours later I've completely forgotten most of them, so you have to do it again. And again. And again. Until 2 weeks later I test myself again and can write it. A lot of the words I'm learning now are ones I haven't had an opportunity to speak, so I'm learning the language backwards. If you think about how you learnt English, you first listen to it, then say it, then read and write it. I'm doing it the other way round here, and the ineffectiveness is all too visible. I've also discovered the more I know, the more I realise I don't know. So heart-warming.
Learning Chinese for me is a matter of peaks and troughs. Sometimes I feel really good about it, my progress is visible, I can talk to people without constantly saying 'shenme' (what?). Then I have a few days of not thinking much in particular, then a few days of not understanding anything, pronouncing my Chinese name incorrectly, forgetting how to write my name, holding the pen upside down, etc. The my mood goes back up again, and so on.
I can't say I have a huge number of Chinese friends - I have plenty of people's phone numbers, but only a few I see regularly. I discovered Chinese people have many friends, but few friendships i.e., they know lots of people, but have very few really good friends. I'm kind of the same here. I go to a bar and some small restuarants near my flat quite often, to eat, drink and 'blow the cow' (a Chinese phrase meaning 'hang out and chat') (or so I'm told). Not speaking enough is the one major problem I face on a daily basis. However, I've been here over 6 months, and the difference is huge. As the final line of the Chinese national anthem goes, 'qian jin!' (surge ahead!)
The new term started last week. I'm in what's meant to be the 'Upper Intermediate' class, which has about 11 students - half are Koreans, two Japanese, a Thai and an Aussie. It's not bad, but with the teaching more or less remaining as it is, it remains an ineffective way of learning language. While I plan to be in China for 2008, I doubt it will be at a formal institution like this. Whichever way you look at it, and I've looked at it every convievable way, Chinese is an absolute stinker of a language.
Yesterday I spent 3 hours writing out characters over and over again. And the really fun thing about this is, is it 24 hours later I've completely forgotten most of them, so you have to do it again. And again. And again. Until 2 weeks later I test myself again and can write it. A lot of the words I'm learning now are ones I haven't had an opportunity to speak, so I'm learning the language backwards. If you think about how you learnt English, you first listen to it, then say it, then read and write it. I'm doing it the other way round here, and the ineffectiveness is all too visible. I've also discovered the more I know, the more I realise I don't know. So heart-warming.
Learning Chinese for me is a matter of peaks and troughs. Sometimes I feel really good about it, my progress is visible, I can talk to people without constantly saying 'shenme' (what?). Then I have a few days of not thinking much in particular, then a few days of not understanding anything, pronouncing my Chinese name incorrectly, forgetting how to write my name, holding the pen upside down, etc. The my mood goes back up again, and so on.
I can't say I have a huge number of Chinese friends - I have plenty of people's phone numbers, but only a few I see regularly. I discovered Chinese people have many friends, but few friendships i.e., they know lots of people, but have very few really good friends. I'm kind of the same here. I go to a bar and some small restuarants near my flat quite often, to eat, drink and 'blow the cow' (a Chinese phrase meaning 'hang out and chat') (or so I'm told). Not speaking enough is the one major problem I face on a daily basis. However, I've been here over 6 months, and the difference is huge. As the final line of the Chinese national anthem goes, 'qian jin!' (surge ahead!)
Friday, 7 September 2007
Nicknames
The best book I've read about China - River Town - is written by an American guy (Peter Hessler) who spent 2 years here teaching English in the 1990s. He was working in a town with no other foreigners apart from his fellow American teacher. He said over time they developed nicknames for several people in the town, the school, etc, that no one else knew and I've found that my fellow European flatmate and I have done exactly the same. Unfortunately I have no pictures, but a written description is presented below.
The Burger
A Korean student at the uni, so called because a) he's more than a tad lardy, b) in winter he wears a big, brown puffer jacket and c), he appears to have the mental capacity of grilled meat. He always has this dumbfounded look on his face, like he's been airlifted into Xi'an for the first time and has no idea what's going on. He's actually a nice guy, but a complete burger.
Tiger Woods
This is a girl from Thailand at the uni who has a 42-teeth grin just like Tiger Woods. The funny thing is, we both used to think she was pretty. Then after the summer, I said to my flatmate, 'Hey, I saw Tiger Woods today, she doesn't look pretty anymore', and he said he had seen her that day as well and thought exactly the same. While she may have lost her appeal, there's no-one better with a 7 iron.
The Doormat
This is a girl who has been staying in my Chinese flatmate's room recently, so-called because she has a fringe resembling this essential household item - brown, thick, coarse, heavy, all in all, extremely matty. The thing about the girls who dye their hair here, presumably they do it to look a bit different, but they all dye it a pale brown colour. Individuality, Chinese style.
The Duck
This is the Taiwanese guy from the bar last week who quacks when you call his name. It's not really a quack, but it must be the Taiwanese equivalent of 'eh', or 'aye', the sound when you hear someone calling your name. I was there today, and so was he, quacking happily, unsurprising given the recent rain.
FuckYes
This is the Butler's friend (see below) who has been to our flat a couple of times. Typical Chinese girl, a bit mousy, innocent sort of personality. She wanted to learn some English so we taught her 'fuckyes', saying it means 'absolutely right', which is more than a half truth. It's quite funny when she said it with this big smile, thinking she was being so clever with her English. (Her degree, by the way, is English). Next day she phones me up saying she looked in the dictionary and discovered it has alternative meanings. Isn't she clever!
The Butler
Former flatmate who moved out last week, so-called because in the first few weeks of living together he actively volunteered to be butler at any future party. He said he felt no-one respected him, which is probably true, and very unsurprising, given things like when there were lots of people in the flat, he would insist on sitting on the floor. A complete nutcase, I'm not certain his genes are 100% human, there seemed to be a fair amount of plankton in his DNA.
The Burger
A Korean student at the uni, so called because a) he's more than a tad lardy, b) in winter he wears a big, brown puffer jacket and c), he appears to have the mental capacity of grilled meat. He always has this dumbfounded look on his face, like he's been airlifted into Xi'an for the first time and has no idea what's going on. He's actually a nice guy, but a complete burger.
Tiger Woods
This is a girl from Thailand at the uni who has a 42-teeth grin just like Tiger Woods. The funny thing is, we both used to think she was pretty. Then after the summer, I said to my flatmate, 'Hey, I saw Tiger Woods today, she doesn't look pretty anymore', and he said he had seen her that day as well and thought exactly the same. While she may have lost her appeal, there's no-one better with a 7 iron.
The Doormat
This is a girl who has been staying in my Chinese flatmate's room recently, so-called because she has a fringe resembling this essential household item - brown, thick, coarse, heavy, all in all, extremely matty. The thing about the girls who dye their hair here, presumably they do it to look a bit different, but they all dye it a pale brown colour. Individuality, Chinese style.
The Duck
This is the Taiwanese guy from the bar last week who quacks when you call his name. It's not really a quack, but it must be the Taiwanese equivalent of 'eh', or 'aye', the sound when you hear someone calling your name. I was there today, and so was he, quacking happily, unsurprising given the recent rain.
FuckYes
This is the Butler's friend (see below) who has been to our flat a couple of times. Typical Chinese girl, a bit mousy, innocent sort of personality. She wanted to learn some English so we taught her 'fuckyes', saying it means 'absolutely right', which is more than a half truth. It's quite funny when she said it with this big smile, thinking she was being so clever with her English. (Her degree, by the way, is English). Next day she phones me up saying she looked in the dictionary and discovered it has alternative meanings. Isn't she clever!
The Butler
Former flatmate who moved out last week, so-called because in the first few weeks of living together he actively volunteered to be butler at any future party. He said he felt no-one respected him, which is probably true, and very unsurprising, given things like when there were lots of people in the flat, he would insist on sitting on the floor. A complete nutcase, I'm not certain his genes are 100% human, there seemed to be a fair amount of plankton in his DNA.
Saturday, 1 September 2007
The Truman Show meets Winston Smith
I've suddenly realised what life has been like recently - I'm Winston Smith [the guy from that book 1984] and I'm in the Truman Show. This has been particularly true in the proceedings concerning the university in the last few weeks, proceedings which came to a head this afternoon. I am pleased to say that, like when Jim Carrey walks through the sky at the end of the film, I have succeeded.
What's been the problem with the university? They said this term's tuition fee is 7300RMB, I said not for me it ain't, because I'm here for one year, and according to last year's tuition fee, my fee should be 5570RMB - a big difference. What's more, they specifically told me in February that the second term's fee was this lower one. They can raise the tuition fee for new students all they like, it doesn't affect me - thus went my water-tight, non-deniable argument.
They've been point-blankly refusing recently to budge on this, throwing up the usual walls - not answering the phone, avoiding me, saying 'mei banfa' ['I have no choice']. Thus last week I didn't even go to the university at all, because talking to them is really extremely similar to talking to a tank stuck in wet cement.
My German flatmate is the same situation. So he went there this morning, and came back and told me all about his 'discussions'. Turns out he'd copied my 'Robert DeNiro-in-the-film-Casino' from last week and gave the two people in the office a talking to, making one of them really angry. But it's easy to understand why, talking to these guys is incredibly exasperating at times. For example, the following mini-conversation took place.
Chinese office person: Everyone has already paid this semester's tuition fee.
German friend: Has he paid? (pointing to his German friend next to him, who hasn't yet paid).
Chinese office person: Everyone has already paid.
German friend: Has he paid?
Chinese office person: No
German friend: So not everyone has paid.
Chinese office person: Everyone apart from him has already paid. You pay now.
Maybe the exasperation doesn't come across, but it really makes you feel all alone, and pull a lot of Tim-from-the-Office type expressions.
So this afternoon I go the office as well and talk to someone a bit higher up. We have the usual rebuttals about how it's not their fault, we want to be friends with you, bla bla bla. I told them, truthfully, that I had yesterday been to the cheaper Xi'an Petroleum University to ask about studying there, and also to the Public Security Bureau to check this was OK. A genuine threat to give them no money at all was my trump card.
We continued discussing and getting nowhere for a bit. One argument they had against giving me the pre-arranged fee was that everyone would then starting wanting it. This is rubbish, because I'm not a new student, and the old students have either already gone home (only here for a semester) or already paid a whole year in advance. I asked them how many students started in February, are here for one year and paid only half in February (i.e., same as me) - she said lots. I said you could maybe you could check your records for an exact number, she said they don't keep such records. I said so how do you know it's lots, she said it's probably lots. I said maybe it's no-one else, she said, yeah, maybe it's no-one else. Great, thanks a lot. Please don't go into law.
Afterwards she said would talk to her colleagues and get back to me on Monday or before. An hour later she phoned me to say they have already discussed it. It's amazing - some things take for ever to get done in China, and others can get done super-fast. They agreed that where was a 'banfa' (solution) after all - funny, that. They agreed that I had made no mistake and will let me continue at the uni for the lower fee, on the condition that my flatmate says sorry for telling them how shit they do things, and that we don't tell anyone else.
I'm sure they all now think I'm the most annoying person ever. But did they really think I was going to let them p*** all over me and let them get away with it? Did they really think that? This was their biggest mistake. I currently feel like Perry Mason after a well-won courtroom drama case.
PS, yesterday I was sitting at the bar, and on my left was a Chinese guy who looked just like Austin Powers, and on my right was a Taiwanese guy who quacked when you called his name. You just gotta love China!!
What's been the problem with the university? They said this term's tuition fee is 7300RMB, I said not for me it ain't, because I'm here for one year, and according to last year's tuition fee, my fee should be 5570RMB - a big difference. What's more, they specifically told me in February that the second term's fee was this lower one. They can raise the tuition fee for new students all they like, it doesn't affect me - thus went my water-tight, non-deniable argument.
They've been point-blankly refusing recently to budge on this, throwing up the usual walls - not answering the phone, avoiding me, saying 'mei banfa' ['I have no choice']. Thus last week I didn't even go to the university at all, because talking to them is really extremely similar to talking to a tank stuck in wet cement.
My German flatmate is the same situation. So he went there this morning, and came back and told me all about his 'discussions'. Turns out he'd copied my 'Robert DeNiro-in-the-film-Casino' from last week and gave the two people in the office a talking to, making one of them really angry. But it's easy to understand why, talking to these guys is incredibly exasperating at times. For example, the following mini-conversation took place.
Chinese office person: Everyone has already paid this semester's tuition fee.
German friend: Has he paid? (pointing to his German friend next to him, who hasn't yet paid).
Chinese office person: Everyone has already paid.
German friend: Has he paid?
Chinese office person: No
German friend: So not everyone has paid.
Chinese office person: Everyone apart from him has already paid. You pay now.
Maybe the exasperation doesn't come across, but it really makes you feel all alone, and pull a lot of Tim-from-the-Office type expressions.
So this afternoon I go the office as well and talk to someone a bit higher up. We have the usual rebuttals about how it's not their fault, we want to be friends with you, bla bla bla. I told them, truthfully, that I had yesterday been to the cheaper Xi'an Petroleum University to ask about studying there, and also to the Public Security Bureau to check this was OK. A genuine threat to give them no money at all was my trump card.
We continued discussing and getting nowhere for a bit. One argument they had against giving me the pre-arranged fee was that everyone would then starting wanting it. This is rubbish, because I'm not a new student, and the old students have either already gone home (only here for a semester) or already paid a whole year in advance. I asked them how many students started in February, are here for one year and paid only half in February (i.e., same as me) - she said lots. I said you could maybe you could check your records for an exact number, she said they don't keep such records. I said so how do you know it's lots, she said it's probably lots. I said maybe it's no-one else, she said, yeah, maybe it's no-one else. Great, thanks a lot. Please don't go into law.
Afterwards she said would talk to her colleagues and get back to me on Monday or before. An hour later she phoned me to say they have already discussed it. It's amazing - some things take for ever to get done in China, and others can get done super-fast. They agreed that where was a 'banfa' (solution) after all - funny, that. They agreed that I had made no mistake and will let me continue at the uni for the lower fee, on the condition that my flatmate says sorry for telling them how shit they do things, and that we don't tell anyone else.
I'm sure they all now think I'm the most annoying person ever. But did they really think I was going to let them p*** all over me and let them get away with it? Did they really think that? This was their biggest mistake. I currently feel like Perry Mason after a well-won courtroom drama case.
PS, yesterday I was sitting at the bar, and on my left was a Chinese guy who looked just like Austin Powers, and on my right was a Taiwanese guy who quacked when you called his name. You just gotta love China!!
Saturday, 25 August 2007
24 hours in Xi'an
China is strange. Really, really strange. I regularly wonder what on earth I am doing here. I often feel like I'm in an upside down dream. Sometimes it's a nice feeling, sometimes not. The last 24 hours have just been ridiculous.
I've been thinking of, next term, not going back to study at the university. The teaching is so bad, but more importantly they've raised the tuition fee. For a very simple reason, I should be paying the lower fee from before, but they don't agree. Trying to sort this out is almost impossible. I agreed to meet someone from the office to talk about it, and he just didn't turn up. I phoned him and he said he went out. Hiding from problems rather than dealing with them is really common, and it drives me nuts. What I also find strange, is that when I go in there to ask about this problem, they always pretend this is the first time they've heard it, even though I've spoken to them a few times about it. It's so strange.
So I go to a Chinese language school nearby, where I've been looking to study instead. I wanted to make sure that I could change study places without his affecting my visa. So it's a simple question - Can I legally study in this school? Did I get a simple answer - of course not. Eventually, I get to speak to the boss. She first says, yeh, no problem. But when I pressed her for written proof of this, she started changing tack. It turns out she has no idea about this. She also said it would be better not to tell the university I won't be going back, and suggested I tell them I'm sick, or going travelling with my mother for 4 months. It's so strange - does she really think this is an acceptable solution? Two minutes before, she had said to me, 'I never lie, I'm very honest, bla bla bla'. And then right after she suggests I tell the university a ridiculous lie.
I find this often happens when I talk to people. To start with, everything seems so straight forward. But the more simple questions asked, the more it turns out they are either lying, or don't have the foggiest idea what they are talking about. Also, a lot of people are terrible liars - you can normally rumble them after 5 minutes, and a lot of the people who have lied to me have this habit of laughing and smiling as they lie, so they give themselves away. I'm sure this sounds all rather rude, but I'm just describing my experiences.
So now I have this potentially big problem. I have to go to the Public Security Bureau on Monday to ask them if I can change study places. With the university so far continuing to act without a shred of decency and a huge amount of greed, laziness and stupidity, and this new school seemingly not a whole lot better in terms of how they deal with things, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
So after talking to all these idiots, it was 5 o'clock. Not being in the mood for study, I dropped in to a local bar where I know the bartender. I have a couple of beers, spend most of the time feeling Mao ZeDong's shirt collar on 100 yuan notes to see if they are fake, then head home. Then my German flatmate - Clemens - gives me a call. He says he's had a strange afternoon, and is currently on his way to a club with several random people, they're paying, and do I want to come. I say sure, why not.
Afterwards, I realise why not. I've been to clubs once or twice before in China. It's mostly people sitting around eating watermelon, but still with exceptionally loud music. So before I go I think it would be a good idea to buy a small bottle of baijiu - Chinese vodka - and polish it off on the bus into town. Mistake number One. Baijiu, it turns out, is much stronger than I thought, and my alcohol tolerance has evidently plummeted recently.
So I'm walking to the spot where Clemens was waiting for me. And standing next to him is probably the most attractive girl I've ever seen. According to what Clemens said this morning, my jaw nearly hit the floor when I saw her. Also, wearing board shorts and flip flops probably wasn't the cleverest - mistake number 2.
We go into the club, which seemed to be full of young woman, moneyed middle aged men and the occassional foreigner. Clemens' friends and their friends - mostly fat men - were sitting round a table, where one of some had bought a huge bottle of whiskey or something like that. Seeing as I wasn't paying for it, I had a glass or two (or three) - mistake number 3.
From here on, my recollection is hazy and I was informed of it this morning. This guy wearing fur trousers and a small fur waistcoat came along, and was playing a varient of 'rock-paper-scissors' with these friends for some of the evening. It was quite a good evening, I think. After some time, me, Clemens, and some other people leave and are outside. Apparently, some guy comes out and I started doing my 'Robert DeNiro-in-the-film-Casino' impression, which involves a lot of finger pointing and liberal use of the F word. Mistake number 4. I don't know why he warranted such a talking to, Clemens said he didn't do anything. And as it was his expensive drink we had been drinking and everyone probably now thinks I'm Joe Pesci, I currently feel particularly stupid.
Next thing I know I wake up this morning, still rather drunk. In the flat is XiaoMing - Chinese flatmate - talking to some random guy in the balcony with the door closed, two random girls (XiaoMings classmates) who have been living in our flat for a couple of days sitting on the sofa eating what looked like gruel, and some other random guy in the other Chinese flatmates's room. As usual, I have no idea what's going on. This feeling is normally quite interesting, but with a hangover, it isn't, particularly when you can't for the life of you get hold of a cheese and bacon toastie.
I've been thinking of, next term, not going back to study at the university. The teaching is so bad, but more importantly they've raised the tuition fee. For a very simple reason, I should be paying the lower fee from before, but they don't agree. Trying to sort this out is almost impossible. I agreed to meet someone from the office to talk about it, and he just didn't turn up. I phoned him and he said he went out. Hiding from problems rather than dealing with them is really common, and it drives me nuts. What I also find strange, is that when I go in there to ask about this problem, they always pretend this is the first time they've heard it, even though I've spoken to them a few times about it. It's so strange.
So I go to a Chinese language school nearby, where I've been looking to study instead. I wanted to make sure that I could change study places without his affecting my visa. So it's a simple question - Can I legally study in this school? Did I get a simple answer - of course not. Eventually, I get to speak to the boss. She first says, yeh, no problem. But when I pressed her for written proof of this, she started changing tack. It turns out she has no idea about this. She also said it would be better not to tell the university I won't be going back, and suggested I tell them I'm sick, or going travelling with my mother for 4 months. It's so strange - does she really think this is an acceptable solution? Two minutes before, she had said to me, 'I never lie, I'm very honest, bla bla bla'. And then right after she suggests I tell the university a ridiculous lie.
I find this often happens when I talk to people. To start with, everything seems so straight forward. But the more simple questions asked, the more it turns out they are either lying, or don't have the foggiest idea what they are talking about. Also, a lot of people are terrible liars - you can normally rumble them after 5 minutes, and a lot of the people who have lied to me have this habit of laughing and smiling as they lie, so they give themselves away. I'm sure this sounds all rather rude, but I'm just describing my experiences.
So now I have this potentially big problem. I have to go to the Public Security Bureau on Monday to ask them if I can change study places. With the university so far continuing to act without a shred of decency and a huge amount of greed, laziness and stupidity, and this new school seemingly not a whole lot better in terms of how they deal with things, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
So after talking to all these idiots, it was 5 o'clock. Not being in the mood for study, I dropped in to a local bar where I know the bartender. I have a couple of beers, spend most of the time feeling Mao ZeDong's shirt collar on 100 yuan notes to see if they are fake, then head home. Then my German flatmate - Clemens - gives me a call. He says he's had a strange afternoon, and is currently on his way to a club with several random people, they're paying, and do I want to come. I say sure, why not.
Afterwards, I realise why not. I've been to clubs once or twice before in China. It's mostly people sitting around eating watermelon, but still with exceptionally loud music. So before I go I think it would be a good idea to buy a small bottle of baijiu - Chinese vodka - and polish it off on the bus into town. Mistake number One. Baijiu, it turns out, is much stronger than I thought, and my alcohol tolerance has evidently plummeted recently.
So I'm walking to the spot where Clemens was waiting for me. And standing next to him is probably the most attractive girl I've ever seen. According to what Clemens said this morning, my jaw nearly hit the floor when I saw her. Also, wearing board shorts and flip flops probably wasn't the cleverest - mistake number 2.
We go into the club, which seemed to be full of young woman, moneyed middle aged men and the occassional foreigner. Clemens' friends and their friends - mostly fat men - were sitting round a table, where one of some had bought a huge bottle of whiskey or something like that. Seeing as I wasn't paying for it, I had a glass or two (or three) - mistake number 3.
From here on, my recollection is hazy and I was informed of it this morning. This guy wearing fur trousers and a small fur waistcoat came along, and was playing a varient of 'rock-paper-scissors' with these friends for some of the evening. It was quite a good evening, I think. After some time, me, Clemens, and some other people leave and are outside. Apparently, some guy comes out and I started doing my 'Robert DeNiro-in-the-film-Casino' impression, which involves a lot of finger pointing and liberal use of the F word. Mistake number 4. I don't know why he warranted such a talking to, Clemens said he didn't do anything. And as it was his expensive drink we had been drinking and everyone probably now thinks I'm Joe Pesci, I currently feel particularly stupid.
Next thing I know I wake up this morning, still rather drunk. In the flat is XiaoMing - Chinese flatmate - talking to some random guy in the balcony with the door closed, two random girls (XiaoMings classmates) who have been living in our flat for a couple of days sitting on the sofa eating what looked like gruel, and some other random guy in the other Chinese flatmates's room. As usual, I have no idea what's going on. This feeling is normally quite interesting, but with a hangover, it isn't, particularly when you can't for the life of you get hold of a cheese and bacon toastie.
Saturday, 18 August 2007
More on economics...
An excellent article explaining how trade between China and America (and therefore England) really works, and how reporting of this issue in the mainstream press is worse than dreadful.
http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article18201.htm
Its by the same person as before, a former Assistant Secretary to the U.S. Treasury under Reagan, so he's hardly a radical. It's just nice to hear a little bit of intelligence and common sense on an issue otherwise so shrouded in ideological fanaticism and stupidity.
http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article18201.htm
Its by the same person as before, a former Assistant Secretary to the U.S. Treasury under Reagan, so he's hardly a radical. It's just nice to hear a little bit of intelligence and common sense on an issue otherwise so shrouded in ideological fanaticism and stupidity.
Monday, 13 August 2007
A slow, hot summer
The last two weeks have been pretty slow. After a reasonably cool phase, it's getting hotter and hotter again. Last week, I thought I had contracted a fever but it turned I was just incredibly hot. I did, however, contract 'laduzi' ('lose bowels') again, and have had it ever since. It's just inconvenient more than anything, having to carry a loo roll everywhere, and timing activities so that every 3-5 hours I am within sprinting distance of a suitable place. I think by year's end I will be able to go to a fancy dress party in what looks like one of those skeleton outfits, but in fact is really just me.
I've been doing some intensive study recently. I haven't spoken a lot of Chinese this month, but have been revising characters and reading a lot. I've discovered I can now more or less read simple newspaper articles. This is enormously satisfying. When I glance across the paper, it just looks less daunting and more familiar than a while ago.
I thought I would read one thoroughly, a rather amusing piece about how an Australian tourist in Beijing collapsed to the ground after being harrassed by a very perserving beggar. On first glance, I could get most of it. Then I went through it with a red pen, underlining all the characters and bits that I didn't fully understand. When I finished, it looked like it had suffered death by firing squad, such was the amount of red ink smattered all over it.
Obviously, Chinese is monstrously difficult. One of the multitude of reasons is that many characters have more than meaning. Used on their own, or with other characters, or in different contexts, their meaning changes, often completely. Another thing is that it's very difficult to tell proper nouns from ordinary words. In English, capital letters give the reader a big clue, but there is no equivalent here, so sometimes you just don't have the foggiest idea. Reading headlines is nearly impossible, I need a picture to give me a headstart.
Yesterday I was practising writing characters. My tutor said that all foreigners write characters very big and like 5 year olds, and I'm no exception. It's quite easy for Chinese people to write English normally, but foreigners writing characters is quite hard. I'm also told that being left-handed makes writing properly impossible, which is really great news.
So I'm at my desk, writing away. And while I like doing this, it is pretty boring. It was really hot, and I was pretty tired anyway, so I just thought I would rest my head on the desk for a bit. 3 hours later, I wake up and for a fraction of a second I thought I was blind, but it turns out it was just the paper stuck to my forehead. If only I could get vocabulary to stick in my head as firmly as that paper was stuck to my forehead, I would be sorted.
Besides this, I have been tutoring a kid English. Unfortunately, he has gone back to Shanghai this weekend, so my income has disappeared. Although I can't say I enjoyed it hugely, it was pretty easy and he was a really nice kid. Last week, he said 'After playing basketball, I am hot, so I like to drink a glass of beard'. He got mixed up with 'beer', but it's still quite funny even if he had said beer, he's 10 years old. It does at least mean I don't have to take taxis to his house anymore. I am getting less and less used to the driving here, and more specifically the pedestrians. Some of them just do not look when crossing the road. It is something I really don't get, walking around like they're in a deserted field, seemingly not noticing the hordes of buses, taxis, cars, mopeds, scooters, bikes, rickshaws heading their way.
Last week, I went out and about and discovered a nice park not far from my flat. It was only half finished, so had plenty of trees and grass, had quite a nice 'garden' feel about it. Because it hasn't been properly opened, and not yet completely covered in fake marble paving stones and bathroom tiles, there was no-one there. I still think I need to get out of Xi'an - my German flatmate has been on holiday 4 times in less than 6 months, I haven't been further than an hour outside of town. First, however, I need some bowel stablisation before I can consider such a move.
I've been doing some intensive study recently. I haven't spoken a lot of Chinese this month, but have been revising characters and reading a lot. I've discovered I can now more or less read simple newspaper articles. This is enormously satisfying. When I glance across the paper, it just looks less daunting and more familiar than a while ago.
I thought I would read one thoroughly, a rather amusing piece about how an Australian tourist in Beijing collapsed to the ground after being harrassed by a very perserving beggar. On first glance, I could get most of it. Then I went through it with a red pen, underlining all the characters and bits that I didn't fully understand. When I finished, it looked like it had suffered death by firing squad, such was the amount of red ink smattered all over it.
Obviously, Chinese is monstrously difficult. One of the multitude of reasons is that many characters have more than meaning. Used on their own, or with other characters, or in different contexts, their meaning changes, often completely. Another thing is that it's very difficult to tell proper nouns from ordinary words. In English, capital letters give the reader a big clue, but there is no equivalent here, so sometimes you just don't have the foggiest idea. Reading headlines is nearly impossible, I need a picture to give me a headstart.
Yesterday I was practising writing characters. My tutor said that all foreigners write characters very big and like 5 year olds, and I'm no exception. It's quite easy for Chinese people to write English normally, but foreigners writing characters is quite hard. I'm also told that being left-handed makes writing properly impossible, which is really great news.
So I'm at my desk, writing away. And while I like doing this, it is pretty boring. It was really hot, and I was pretty tired anyway, so I just thought I would rest my head on the desk for a bit. 3 hours later, I wake up and for a fraction of a second I thought I was blind, but it turns out it was just the paper stuck to my forehead. If only I could get vocabulary to stick in my head as firmly as that paper was stuck to my forehead, I would be sorted.
Besides this, I have been tutoring a kid English. Unfortunately, he has gone back to Shanghai this weekend, so my income has disappeared. Although I can't say I enjoyed it hugely, it was pretty easy and he was a really nice kid. Last week, he said 'After playing basketball, I am hot, so I like to drink a glass of beard'. He got mixed up with 'beer', but it's still quite funny even if he had said beer, he's 10 years old. It does at least mean I don't have to take taxis to his house anymore. I am getting less and less used to the driving here, and more specifically the pedestrians. Some of them just do not look when crossing the road. It is something I really don't get, walking around like they're in a deserted field, seemingly not noticing the hordes of buses, taxis, cars, mopeds, scooters, bikes, rickshaws heading their way.
Last week, I went out and about and discovered a nice park not far from my flat. It was only half finished, so had plenty of trees and grass, had quite a nice 'garden' feel about it. Because it hasn't been properly opened, and not yet completely covered in fake marble paving stones and bathroom tiles, there was no-one there. I still think I need to get out of Xi'an - my German flatmate has been on holiday 4 times in less than 6 months, I haven't been further than an hour outside of town. First, however, I need some bowel stablisation before I can consider such a move.
China's economic hold on America?
http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article18154.htm
This is something written by a former Assistant Secretary of the U.S. Treasury Department about how China's huge reserves of dollars give it potential power over US policy making.
A sentence in the final paragraph is quite interesting. "It is paradoxical that Washington is putting pressure on China to raise US consumer prices [by wanting China to revalue the yuan], while blaming China for harming Americans [jobs offshored to China]." Of course it's paradoxical and makes no sense, but it doesn't stop people in the media from continuing to write such rubbish. The yuan, being valued as it is, does make for a huge trade deficit for America and the UK, but if it was revalued down, the deficit would fall, but all the products made in China and consumed in USA/UK would become more expensive. You can't have it both ways! And while moving manufacturing jobs to China does harm ordinary people, it works great for the business elite.
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that China is unlikely to do anything to upset world markets, i.e., upset America. There are a lot of people making huge amounts of money on both sides of the Pacific at the moment, and I don't see any reason why they themselves would want to jeopardise that.
This is something written by a former Assistant Secretary of the U.S. Treasury Department about how China's huge reserves of dollars give it potential power over US policy making.
A sentence in the final paragraph is quite interesting. "It is paradoxical that Washington is putting pressure on China to raise US consumer prices [by wanting China to revalue the yuan], while blaming China for harming Americans [jobs offshored to China]." Of course it's paradoxical and makes no sense, but it doesn't stop people in the media from continuing to write such rubbish. The yuan, being valued as it is, does make for a huge trade deficit for America and the UK, but if it was revalued down, the deficit would fall, but all the products made in China and consumed in USA/UK would become more expensive. You can't have it both ways! And while moving manufacturing jobs to China does harm ordinary people, it works great for the business elite.
My opinion, for what it's worth, is that China is unlikely to do anything to upset world markets, i.e., upset America. There are a lot of people making huge amounts of money on both sides of the Pacific at the moment, and I don't see any reason why they themselves would want to jeopardise that.
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
My TV big break
So this weekend I made my break into Chinese television, starring in Shaanxi TV's production 'Jie Hun Yang Nu Shu' (I still don't know what this means). It was at times pretty frustrating but mostly extremely interesting and a very well spent weekend.
The other actors were as follows: 'my fiancee', the director's daughter; 'her brother', a cool guy who was actually a really good actor; 'her mother', an extremely Chinese looking middle-old aged woman - short, dignified, poised; 'my teacher', played by the director; and my favourite one, 'her dad'. This guy had smoked so many cigarettes in his life that he had one of those splendid smokers' coughs that make you wonder how they are still alive. The inside of his face must have be lined with an inch of tar, because he was just incapable of changing his expression, which is something of a setback when you are trying to act. For the whole two days, the director was shouting at him to express at least some emotion. This guy is a cop in real life, and suitably corrupt, so he got us some donkey meat (illegal in China) to eat on Sunday. It's actually really good, but apparently if you eat too much it makes your nose bleed.
Both days got off to cracking starts. I'm told the director will call me at 7am both days to say when to meet up. Both days he calls around 8, and says we'll meet at around 9.30. So that 6.30 weekend wake-up was really worth it. And on Sunday morning, we were driving in one of those Rascal mini-vans looking for a cake shop to film a scene with me happily walking out of it with 'my fiancee'. It took for ever to find it, and sitting in the front of a car with an increasingly irate Chinese driver is not a pleasant experience, I just do not know how he did not kill at least several pedestrians.
On Saturday morning we drove out to a smaller town about an hour away to film a scene at a bus station. After eventually finding one in the early afternoon, I dusted off my actor's hat. It turns out I didn't dust it off very well, because when I saw a recording of the scene on the camera, I was reminded why I sat out a Lower Sixth Form History production of Martin Luther and the Reformation. Do I really look like that? Do I really sound like that? My voice is very un-microphone friendly anyway, and with a Chinese local language coming out of it, it's even more offensive to the ear. I saw myself on the camera for a few seconds, and no more for the rest of the weekend.
Then we went back to Xi'an to a show flat to film most of the scenes. It was meant to be mine and 'my fiancee's', but the garish purple and orange furniture made me feel very uncomfortable. As for the acting, it was getting increasingly difficult. Due to the fannying around that seems so much a part of life here, it was already late afternoon when we started, and it was clear time was short with so much to film. It was very difficult for me even to remember my lines, because it was in a language I don't understand. A lot of my stuff was filmed one line at a time. One scene I was reading a newspaper and had the cunning idea of holding the script inside the newspaper, but apparently it was poking out the top.
It's also quite difficult because the director and the camera guys refused to inform me about anything. So they'd be talking to each other, then stop, there's a silence, and it turns out that I'm meant to speak. The thought of them letting me in on this rather uesful information forever escaped them, so I had to increasingly impolitely ask them to let me know what was happening. They also never said 'action' or anything like that, we were somehow meant to guess when to start.
The last scene was horrible, I just could not understand anything of what I was saying, could hardly say it, and the some of the people were obviously looking at their watches, so I switched to using a language that I know and they (hopefully) don't and told them where a good place to put that watch might be.
As for my acting, I'm reminded of someone's comment about John Nettles, the main guy in Midsummer Murders - 'he looks like he's auditioning for the part of a comatose patient'. The director kept asking me to look more happy. I felt like Mr Burns, I was smiling my arse off and he's still asking for me to crank up the happiness. My face was sore afterwards. Tom Martyn does not do happy, he does brooding and wronged. I ended Day One in a mini-actors' huff.
Day Two
After the aforementioned cake incident, we went to the directors' hometown, a tiny village in the middle of the countryside. The countryside is the poor, unwanted half of China that is completely forgotten about by those in the cities and outside of China. I loved it. Lots of corn fields with tall green stalks, trees all around, fresh air, less noise, laid back. When I wasn't filming I just wandered round, watching an old man feeding his goat along a path, talking to old people sitting outside their front doors doing nothing in particular. The kids there had never seen a 'waiguoren' (foreigner) before, so they were genuinely excited to see me, there were loads of them crowding round and watching when we were filming.
We filmed a scene of me walking merrily along the side of a field with 'my fiancee' when some kids come along and give me flowers and I play with them and point to my funny big nose and we sing songs together and jump and dance and, oh my, everything is so gosh darn happy! Of course I felt like a complete idiot and was mighty relieved when that was over. After, we went for lunch in the director's mother's home. Being invited into these guys' houses with people who live there was a high quality experience.
We filmed a scene in the courtyard of a traditional Chinese countryside house. During this scene, the 'dad' was even worse than normal thanks to his sporting consumption of 'baijiu' (Chinese vodka-like drink) over lunch. All the people crowding round were laughing at him and by Chinese accent.
Eventually we had to leave the countryside, but we still had to film a scene inside a flat. So we went back to film to some random flat. On entering this flat, I very nearly vomited up my donkey meat. There were several huge photos of the young couple who lived there in those 'his-and-hers' type photos, with them gazing into the middle distance against a blue background, holding teddy bears and wearing white and pink. There was a HUGE one above their bed, it really was the most foul thing ever conceived. I didn't know I would be filming this scene, and accordingly didn't appropriate clothing. So me and 'my fiancee' and I are lying on the bed, having a chat before lights out, and I'm wearing a pair of very short shorts borrowed from some guy and the same white shirt I had been wearing all day. It's going to look dreadful on TV, me having the same shirt on, on supposedly different days of the week.
After a further slightly fraught piece of filming on Monday night, we had finally finished. It was a really cool experience, incredibly interesting, good Chinese practice, but mainly it had given me a great opportunity to go to the countryside with people who knew it. All I have to do now is wait for those Hollywood offers to roll in...
The other actors were as follows: 'my fiancee', the director's daughter; 'her brother', a cool guy who was actually a really good actor; 'her mother', an extremely Chinese looking middle-old aged woman - short, dignified, poised; 'my teacher', played by the director; and my favourite one, 'her dad'. This guy had smoked so many cigarettes in his life that he had one of those splendid smokers' coughs that make you wonder how they are still alive. The inside of his face must have be lined with an inch of tar, because he was just incapable of changing his expression, which is something of a setback when you are trying to act. For the whole two days, the director was shouting at him to express at least some emotion. This guy is a cop in real life, and suitably corrupt, so he got us some donkey meat (illegal in China) to eat on Sunday. It's actually really good, but apparently if you eat too much it makes your nose bleed.
Both days got off to cracking starts. I'm told the director will call me at 7am both days to say when to meet up. Both days he calls around 8, and says we'll meet at around 9.30. So that 6.30 weekend wake-up was really worth it. And on Sunday morning, we were driving in one of those Rascal mini-vans looking for a cake shop to film a scene with me happily walking out of it with 'my fiancee'. It took for ever to find it, and sitting in the front of a car with an increasingly irate Chinese driver is not a pleasant experience, I just do not know how he did not kill at least several pedestrians.
On Saturday morning we drove out to a smaller town about an hour away to film a scene at a bus station. After eventually finding one in the early afternoon, I dusted off my actor's hat. It turns out I didn't dust it off very well, because when I saw a recording of the scene on the camera, I was reminded why I sat out a Lower Sixth Form History production of Martin Luther and the Reformation. Do I really look like that? Do I really sound like that? My voice is very un-microphone friendly anyway, and with a Chinese local language coming out of it, it's even more offensive to the ear. I saw myself on the camera for a few seconds, and no more for the rest of the weekend.
Then we went back to Xi'an to a show flat to film most of the scenes. It was meant to be mine and 'my fiancee's', but the garish purple and orange furniture made me feel very uncomfortable. As for the acting, it was getting increasingly difficult. Due to the fannying around that seems so much a part of life here, it was already late afternoon when we started, and it was clear time was short with so much to film. It was very difficult for me even to remember my lines, because it was in a language I don't understand. A lot of my stuff was filmed one line at a time. One scene I was reading a newspaper and had the cunning idea of holding the script inside the newspaper, but apparently it was poking out the top.
It's also quite difficult because the director and the camera guys refused to inform me about anything. So they'd be talking to each other, then stop, there's a silence, and it turns out that I'm meant to speak. The thought of them letting me in on this rather uesful information forever escaped them, so I had to increasingly impolitely ask them to let me know what was happening. They also never said 'action' or anything like that, we were somehow meant to guess when to start.
The last scene was horrible, I just could not understand anything of what I was saying, could hardly say it, and the some of the people were obviously looking at their watches, so I switched to using a language that I know and they (hopefully) don't and told them where a good place to put that watch might be.
As for my acting, I'm reminded of someone's comment about John Nettles, the main guy in Midsummer Murders - 'he looks like he's auditioning for the part of a comatose patient'. The director kept asking me to look more happy. I felt like Mr Burns, I was smiling my arse off and he's still asking for me to crank up the happiness. My face was sore afterwards. Tom Martyn does not do happy, he does brooding and wronged. I ended Day One in a mini-actors' huff.
Day Two
After the aforementioned cake incident, we went to the directors' hometown, a tiny village in the middle of the countryside. The countryside is the poor, unwanted half of China that is completely forgotten about by those in the cities and outside of China. I loved it. Lots of corn fields with tall green stalks, trees all around, fresh air, less noise, laid back. When I wasn't filming I just wandered round, watching an old man feeding his goat along a path, talking to old people sitting outside their front doors doing nothing in particular. The kids there had never seen a 'waiguoren' (foreigner) before, so they were genuinely excited to see me, there were loads of them crowding round and watching when we were filming.
We filmed a scene of me walking merrily along the side of a field with 'my fiancee' when some kids come along and give me flowers and I play with them and point to my funny big nose and we sing songs together and jump and dance and, oh my, everything is so gosh darn happy! Of course I felt like a complete idiot and was mighty relieved when that was over. After, we went for lunch in the director's mother's home. Being invited into these guys' houses with people who live there was a high quality experience.
We filmed a scene in the courtyard of a traditional Chinese countryside house. During this scene, the 'dad' was even worse than normal thanks to his sporting consumption of 'baijiu' (Chinese vodka-like drink) over lunch. All the people crowding round were laughing at him and by Chinese accent.
Eventually we had to leave the countryside, but we still had to film a scene inside a flat. So we went back to film to some random flat. On entering this flat, I very nearly vomited up my donkey meat. There were several huge photos of the young couple who lived there in those 'his-and-hers' type photos, with them gazing into the middle distance against a blue background, holding teddy bears and wearing white and pink. There was a HUGE one above their bed, it really was the most foul thing ever conceived. I didn't know I would be filming this scene, and accordingly didn't appropriate clothing. So me and 'my fiancee' and I are lying on the bed, having a chat before lights out, and I'm wearing a pair of very short shorts borrowed from some guy and the same white shirt I had been wearing all day. It's going to look dreadful on TV, me having the same shirt on, on supposedly different days of the week.
After a further slightly fraught piece of filming on Monday night, we had finally finished. It was a really cool experience, incredibly interesting, good Chinese practice, but mainly it had given me a great opportunity to go to the countryside with people who knew it. All I have to do now is wait for those Hollywood offers to roll in...
Sunday, 22 July 2007
3 Sunday specials, including match-making Chinese style.
1)
After coming back home from buying some dumplings this morning, I see XiaoMing (very strange flatmate) sitting on the sofa apparently watching the TV. Only it becomes immediately clear that he is 'watching' and listening to the walkman he has placed on top. The TV was broken, so he put his walkman on top and was listening to an English language cassette. So we're sitting there in silence, both listening to different ways to sum up a business meeting, watching a blank TV. I asked him how much of it he was understanding, he said 'not a word'. Excellent.
2)
I've been learning the script today for the TV programme I'm making next week for the local TV station. It's a one-off soap opera. I play a foreigner planning to get married to a local girl, and it charts the conflicts and passions aroused as my (Australian) culture clashes with that of her traditional Chinese parents. But in the end, I learn how to slurp my noodles and shout loudly in restaurants, so we get her parents' consent.
The director said to me there's only 2 or 3 speaking lines, and even if I could not speak any Chinese it wouldn't matter. Either he is stupid or lying, because I have 63 lines, which will be impossible to remember in Chinese. And better still, it's in the local language, not Mandarin. So it's a bit like learning Italian for 5 months and then being expected to speak Latin. However, I expect this will be my big break into North West China acting circles, and no doubt will, in a few years, be appearing on Parkinson, retelling humorous vignettes about my early acting career.
3)
This afternoon the blue sky appeared, so I went for a wonder round the city, and came across 'The Revolutionary Park' somewhere in the middle of Xi'an. The first thing you notice when going in to most Chinese parks is how incredibly noisy they are. Rest and relaxation? No thanks, deafness for me please! One section had loads of kids' amusement things with exceptionally loud pop music blasting out, and this was competing with the old people performing Beijing opera in another section of the park. While Beijing opera is truly horrendous (think several cats in golf course style lawn mower), it's pretty interesting to watch. Apart from the amusement things, it was actually really nice, quite big so plenty of places to wonder round. Lots of greenery, tropical trees, ruins of old Chinese buildings - not a bathroom tile in sight.
The best thing, though, was a huge group of people looking earnestly at pieces of paper hanging on string between trees and attached to the trees themselves. I wandered over, noticing that nearly everyone was at least 40 or so. Then one of the people talked to me, and I discovered what was going on - a matchmaking service. It was lots of mothers come to find a girl/boy friend for their as yet unattached son or daughter, scribbling down contact information on scraps of paper. All the hanging pieces of paper were like things you get in newspapers - 'woman, 35, seeks etc,etc'. I asked if the 25-40 year olds in question come themselves, and said 'oh, no no no!' It's perfectly normal here, I guess, for mothers to 'assist' in the 'finding significant other' process. There were very, very few people under 40. I felt slightly odd.
I talked to quite a few people there (one guy was telling me why Diana and Charles' marriage didn't work out, he was surprised to learn that Harry's father is not really Charles). Everyone kept asking me, often with a wink, if I had come to find someone myself. When they found out I was 23, they all scoffed and said 'too young, too young!' It was definitely clear from all the name lists that this sort of drastic action need only apply to those in their late 20s and above.
Reading the adverts was really interesting. By far and away the most important thing appearance-wise is height. This is listed right at the top, other physical attritutes weren't normally listed. They were very precise - 'must be 1.58m or taller', etc. On some of them that was the only information listed. When people meet me, the first thing they comment on is how tall I am, and therefore handsome. (This isn't arrogance, all foreigners, despite appearance, get told how handsome they are. It gets very tiring after the initial novelty wears off).
Other 'yaoqiu' [demands/requests] are extremely frank. Mostly the women are looking for someone with a) a good, stable income b) a house c) 'culture' (education level). Personality traits, like generous and kind hearted, etc, if mentioned at all, came after the material, matter-of-fact things. Likewise, men were usually more interested in the financial condition of a prospective wife than her personality.
It's a pretty interesting place, I might go back again. But I'll be sure to bring ear muffs and tape measure.
After coming back home from buying some dumplings this morning, I see XiaoMing (very strange flatmate) sitting on the sofa apparently watching the TV. Only it becomes immediately clear that he is 'watching' and listening to the walkman he has placed on top. The TV was broken, so he put his walkman on top and was listening to an English language cassette. So we're sitting there in silence, both listening to different ways to sum up a business meeting, watching a blank TV. I asked him how much of it he was understanding, he said 'not a word'. Excellent.
2)
I've been learning the script today for the TV programme I'm making next week for the local TV station. It's a one-off soap opera. I play a foreigner planning to get married to a local girl, and it charts the conflicts and passions aroused as my (Australian) culture clashes with that of her traditional Chinese parents. But in the end, I learn how to slurp my noodles and shout loudly in restaurants, so we get her parents' consent.
The director said to me there's only 2 or 3 speaking lines, and even if I could not speak any Chinese it wouldn't matter. Either he is stupid or lying, because I have 63 lines, which will be impossible to remember in Chinese. And better still, it's in the local language, not Mandarin. So it's a bit like learning Italian for 5 months and then being expected to speak Latin. However, I expect this will be my big break into North West China acting circles, and no doubt will, in a few years, be appearing on Parkinson, retelling humorous vignettes about my early acting career.
3)
This afternoon the blue sky appeared, so I went for a wonder round the city, and came across 'The Revolutionary Park' somewhere in the middle of Xi'an. The first thing you notice when going in to most Chinese parks is how incredibly noisy they are. Rest and relaxation? No thanks, deafness for me please! One section had loads of kids' amusement things with exceptionally loud pop music blasting out, and this was competing with the old people performing Beijing opera in another section of the park. While Beijing opera is truly horrendous (think several cats in golf course style lawn mower), it's pretty interesting to watch. Apart from the amusement things, it was actually really nice, quite big so plenty of places to wonder round. Lots of greenery, tropical trees, ruins of old Chinese buildings - not a bathroom tile in sight.
The best thing, though, was a huge group of people looking earnestly at pieces of paper hanging on string between trees and attached to the trees themselves. I wandered over, noticing that nearly everyone was at least 40 or so. Then one of the people talked to me, and I discovered what was going on - a matchmaking service. It was lots of mothers come to find a girl/boy friend for their as yet unattached son or daughter, scribbling down contact information on scraps of paper. All the hanging pieces of paper were like things you get in newspapers - 'woman, 35, seeks etc,etc'. I asked if the 25-40 year olds in question come themselves, and said 'oh, no no no!' It's perfectly normal here, I guess, for mothers to 'assist' in the 'finding significant other' process. There were very, very few people under 40. I felt slightly odd.
I talked to quite a few people there (one guy was telling me why Diana and Charles' marriage didn't work out, he was surprised to learn that Harry's father is not really Charles). Everyone kept asking me, often with a wink, if I had come to find someone myself. When they found out I was 23, they all scoffed and said 'too young, too young!' It was definitely clear from all the name lists that this sort of drastic action need only apply to those in their late 20s and above.
Reading the adverts was really interesting. By far and away the most important thing appearance-wise is height. This is listed right at the top, other physical attritutes weren't normally listed. They were very precise - 'must be 1.58m or taller', etc. On some of them that was the only information listed. When people meet me, the first thing they comment on is how tall I am, and therefore handsome. (This isn't arrogance, all foreigners, despite appearance, get told how handsome they are. It gets very tiring after the initial novelty wears off).
Other 'yaoqiu' [demands/requests] are extremely frank. Mostly the women are looking for someone with a) a good, stable income b) a house c) 'culture' (education level). Personality traits, like generous and kind hearted, etc, if mentioned at all, came after the material, matter-of-fact things. Likewise, men were usually more interested in the financial condition of a prospective wife than her personality.
It's a pretty interesting place, I might go back again. But I'll be sure to bring ear muffs and tape measure.
Friday, 20 July 2007
More propaganda from British newspapers [you know you've been in China too long when... is below]
Just seen this gem of propoganda in the Guardian...
"As the stage lights were turned on for Shanghai's Live Earth concert yesterday, 200,000 residents of Shuyang county in Jiangsu were getting used to water again after a chemical spill halted supplies for 40 hours. There are reports of riots, demonstrations and petitions in China, reflecting its people's anger at living with pollution.
Meanwhile, Live Earth itself has been an extraordinary success; hundreds of millions have watched, heightening awareness that we must act to protect the planet. For decades blame has been heaped on the United States - 5 per cent of the world's population causing 20 per cent of the world's carbon dioxide emissions - but now China has grown into the world's worst polluter.
In 2006 China sent 6.2 billion tonnes of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere compared with the US's 5.8 billion tonnes. By comparison Britain emitted 600 million tonnes. The truth is that despite the exhortations of Al Gore and all yesterday's charismatic rock stars, unless China changes its ways, the planet will continue to get hotter.
The problem is that, as Ma Jun, China's top environmental campaigner tells The Observer today, there are no independent courts, no free media and no system of political accountability, and China's companies have no sense of corporate responsibility. Unless the communist political system changes, the Chinese people, like the rest of us, can expect its economy to remain filthy. The next Live Earth Day will have to campaign for democracy in China - to save the planet."
I draw your attention to the last paragraph in particular, which Herr Goebbels [Nazi propaganda minister] himself would have been proud of. There first sentence implies that China has none of the listed things, but Britain (and Western countries) do. England has independent courts? What about the BAE affair? Free media? How can a media be 'free' when it's primary function is to maximise profits for shareholders (not necessarily report accurately and appropriately), and when it is funded by adverts from budget airlines, car manufacturers and the like?
Political system of accountability? It takes a really well indoctrinated 'journalist' to write this rubbish and not see the problem. What does Tony Blair get for assisting the killing of thousands of people and ignoring issues people are most concered about? A job as peacemaker. And the last one shows, I think, the incredible stupidity induced by being an white middle/upper class elite. 'Corporate responsibility'. Anyone who has studied any basic economics, or even has just common sense, can see that this is a nonsense. Corporations exist to maximise profit, that is what they are. If 'being responsible' fits in with this goal, they will act accordingly. If not, they won't. Bemoaning Chinese companies for lack of responsiblity, while probably true, is a waste of time.
The last sentence means only democracy in China can save the planet. Maybe a genuine democracy, yes, but presumably the idiot writing this drivel was referring to the glorious democracy that exists in Britain, where you have one vote every 5 years from a hopelessly limited range and have no say at all on the vast majority of matters. This democracy is, also, presumably the democracy that we enjoy spreading to other countries, like Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Jordan, Morocco, Uganda, Hong Kong (before 1997), etc.
And there are some more obvious problems. China has the world's biggest population, so it being the biggest polluter is hardly surprising. Also, if you took China away and put it on the Moon, the planet would still continue to get hotter. And where do a lot of the polluting factories' products go? The European market.
The article shows the usual zero understanding of local conditions. Most Chinese people over 40, and even today hundreds of million more, grew up in poverty, where getting enough to eat was the main concern. Now the country is enjoying prosperity for the first time in a long time. Yes, it's filthy and dirty, but getting a decent standard of living comes first - look at European cities' development. Do you really expect the Chinese leaders to jeopordise that?
And the idea that China needs to do something about it, but Britain doesn't really because it only produces 600 million tonnes or whatever. This is an abject shirking of responsibility. How many Chinese leaders and common people are sitting in their teahouses reading The Observer or Guardian on a Sunday morning? I suspect the answer is near to nil, thus making the exhortation within the article - 'Hey, China, clean up your act' - absolutely worthless. What would be more useful would be writing something that can have an effect i.e., something directed at the people who are reading it, i.e., British people.
Of course China should change it ways, but this sort of blame-shifting article is a) pointless and b) an example of the subtle propaganda present in Western reporting.
"As the stage lights were turned on for Shanghai's Live Earth concert yesterday, 200,000 residents of Shuyang county in Jiangsu were getting used to water again after a chemical spill halted supplies for 40 hours. There are reports of riots, demonstrations and petitions in China, reflecting its people's anger at living with pollution.
Meanwhile, Live Earth itself has been an extraordinary success; hundreds of millions have watched, heightening awareness that we must act to protect the planet. For decades blame has been heaped on the United States - 5 per cent of the world's population causing 20 per cent of the world's carbon dioxide emissions - but now China has grown into the world's worst polluter.
In 2006 China sent 6.2 billion tonnes of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere compared with the US's 5.8 billion tonnes. By comparison Britain emitted 600 million tonnes. The truth is that despite the exhortations of Al Gore and all yesterday's charismatic rock stars, unless China changes its ways, the planet will continue to get hotter.
The problem is that, as Ma Jun, China's top environmental campaigner tells The Observer today, there are no independent courts, no free media and no system of political accountability, and China's companies have no sense of corporate responsibility. Unless the communist political system changes, the Chinese people, like the rest of us, can expect its economy to remain filthy. The next Live Earth Day will have to campaign for democracy in China - to save the planet."
I draw your attention to the last paragraph in particular, which Herr Goebbels [Nazi propaganda minister] himself would have been proud of. There first sentence implies that China has none of the listed things, but Britain (and Western countries) do. England has independent courts? What about the BAE affair? Free media? How can a media be 'free' when it's primary function is to maximise profits for shareholders (not necessarily report accurately and appropriately), and when it is funded by adverts from budget airlines, car manufacturers and the like?
Political system of accountability? It takes a really well indoctrinated 'journalist' to write this rubbish and not see the problem. What does Tony Blair get for assisting the killing of thousands of people and ignoring issues people are most concered about? A job as peacemaker. And the last one shows, I think, the incredible stupidity induced by being an white middle/upper class elite. 'Corporate responsibility'. Anyone who has studied any basic economics, or even has just common sense, can see that this is a nonsense. Corporations exist to maximise profit, that is what they are. If 'being responsible' fits in with this goal, they will act accordingly. If not, they won't. Bemoaning Chinese companies for lack of responsiblity, while probably true, is a waste of time.
The last sentence means only democracy in China can save the planet. Maybe a genuine democracy, yes, but presumably the idiot writing this drivel was referring to the glorious democracy that exists in Britain, where you have one vote every 5 years from a hopelessly limited range and have no say at all on the vast majority of matters. This democracy is, also, presumably the democracy that we enjoy spreading to other countries, like Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Jordan, Morocco, Uganda, Hong Kong (before 1997), etc.
And there are some more obvious problems. China has the world's biggest population, so it being the biggest polluter is hardly surprising. Also, if you took China away and put it on the Moon, the planet would still continue to get hotter. And where do a lot of the polluting factories' products go? The European market.
The article shows the usual zero understanding of local conditions. Most Chinese people over 40, and even today hundreds of million more, grew up in poverty, where getting enough to eat was the main concern. Now the country is enjoying prosperity for the first time in a long time. Yes, it's filthy and dirty, but getting a decent standard of living comes first - look at European cities' development. Do you really expect the Chinese leaders to jeopordise that?
And the idea that China needs to do something about it, but Britain doesn't really because it only produces 600 million tonnes or whatever. This is an abject shirking of responsibility. How many Chinese leaders and common people are sitting in their teahouses reading The Observer or Guardian on a Sunday morning? I suspect the answer is near to nil, thus making the exhortation within the article - 'Hey, China, clean up your act' - absolutely worthless. What would be more useful would be writing something that can have an effect i.e., something directed at the people who are reading it, i.e., British people.
Of course China should change it ways, but this sort of blame-shifting article is a) pointless and b) an example of the subtle propaganda present in Western reporting.
Wednesday, 18 July 2007
You know you've been in China too long when...
You know you've been in China too long when...
(some of a facebook group, some of my own, all ones i agree with)
1) You walk backwards in a park, clapping your hands in front and behind you, listening to a transistor radio
2) You believe the following are medically beneficial / true
- walking backwards
- eating vegetables (soaked in oil)
- you can tell the sex of a pregnant woman's child by taking her pulse
- you shouldn't brush your teeth for 28 days after giving birth
- eating cloves of garlic with every meal
3) All white people look the same to you.
4) You call other foreigners 'laowai' (Chinese for foreigner).
4a) When you see another foreigner, you look them up and down notice their huge arse / yellow hair.
5) You think a 30 year old woman who wears Helly Kitty flip flops is cute.
6) It's OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th floor window.
7) You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times and jumping up and down will make the lift move faster / doors open quicker.
8) You push your way into a crowded bus/lift before letting other people off.
8a) It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift / bus before anyone can get off.
9) You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
10) You think that 3 pounds for a pair of shorts is a rip-off.
11) You have no reservations about spitting sunflower seeds on the restaurant / bar floor.
12) You feel cheated if you don't receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut.
13) You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.
14) You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.
15) You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
16) You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.
17) You look over other peoples shoulder to see what they are reading .
18) You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the pavement.
19) When car accidents become a source of heartwarming humour.
19a) When an 'incident' occurs on the street you gather round and stare gormlessly.
20) You have learnt how to detect someone is in a hurry behind you, and now have the ability to not only walk very slowly but also grow eyes in the back of your head, so when they start to overtake on the right hand side, you automatically cut in and walk very slowly directly in front of them.
21) You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.
22) You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle.
23) The last time you visited your mother, you gave her your business card.
24) You go to the local shop in pyjamas.
25) When looking out the window, you think “Wow, so many trees!” instead of “Wow, so much concrete!”
26) You think “white pills, blue pills, and pink powder” is an adequate answer to the question “What are you giving me, doctor?”
27) Firecrackers don't wake you up.
28) Forks feel funny.
29) You only wear a suit when you dig ditches or do home repairs.
30) Your handshake is weakening by the day.
31) You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
32) You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.
33) You feel insulted when you enter a restaurant and only three waiters welcome you.
34) When you get on a plane you quickly run for your pre-assigned seat.
35) You can justify drinking 9 laopi [beer] instead of 6 qingpi because it's 1 kuai [ 8 pence] cheaper.
36) When you think it is normal to give money to the turtles in the gardens and not to the homeless.
37) You believe smoking in the gym improves your cardiovascular workout.
38) You want to corner any foreigners you see to practice your English.
39) When you consider tiling the outside of your house with bathroom tiles.
40) You talk incredibly loudly on the phone, particularly on a crowded bus and in local dialect.
41) You're in the market and notice how expensive everything is.
42) You remember to take your tissues with you to the restaurant to wipe the sweat from your forehead afterwards.
43) When you walk round your flat in socks and flip-flops and don't feel like an idiot.
44) Somebody you met 5 minutes ago, introduces you as their "best friend".
45) You make 'best friends' with someone, exchange phone / QQ numbers and never hear from your new best friend again.
46) When you think warm beer and hot water are refreshing and healthy.
47) You no longer get pissed off at hearing how 'shuai' [handsome] you are or how 'li hai' [great] you are.
48) When you notice an attractive girl in short denim shorts, small top and high heels eyeing you up, you accept it's purely because a) the weather is hot and b) you have a very hairy face and big nose.
49) You want to be different and so dye your hair light brown like everyone else.
50) The lorry that sprays water on the road and plays the 'Happy Birthday' tune like a ringtone is no longer annoying.
51) You stop saying please, thank you and sorry, and subsitute them with en, ur and huh.
52) When you can talk on the phone for 20 minutes and only say "en"
53) When you start thinking, "what car shall i buy? A black 1983 Volkswagen Santana".
54) When you start saying how 'mang' [busy] you are because somebody asked you to do something and you're going to have to stop chatting online at work for 10 minutes.
55) When you see a child having a whizz in the lift / on the street is no longer disgusting.
56) When you start thinking that kids trousers with a slit in the back for excrement omittance is a good idea.
57) You wear pink plastic flip-flops.
58) You call the clouds of pollution 'fog'.
59) You say 'Aye-yaaaaaa!' unnecessarily loudly whenever anyone says something disagreeable.
60) When a problem arises you say 'zenme ban' [what should we do?], quickly followed by 'mei banfa' [there's nothing that can be done], then go to the net bar to play counter strike and forget about it.
61) You refer to the computer game Counter Strike as CS.
62) You've learnt how to spin a pen on your finger like Chinese kids can.
63) You think reading comic books in a bar is cool.
64) You stopped checking your weather on the BBC website, because opening it every day has caused all your internet actions to be censored.
65) You're no longer surprised that when ordering a beer, first comes the glass, then the beer, then a short while after the beer opener.
66) You're no longer surprised when, after asking for said beer opener, the waiter looks at you with a 'Shit, you're clever, that's a good idea' look.
67) You're no longer surprised when ordering food, the dishes will come first, followed 45 later minutes by the rice.
68) You think people are handsome just because they are tall.
69) You start using the word 'handsome'.
70) You say 'How to spell', instead of 'How do you spell'.
71) You refer to things as 'ke ai' [lovely, cute, nice], particularly in the presence of other men.
72) You walk at a mind-numbingly slow speed and block the whole sidewalk despite being wafer thin.
73) When watching a film you laugh uproariously at the most inane thing and insist on pointing it out to your foreign friend, explaining exactly why it is amusing.
74) You need a break after your lunch break.
75) You can't use a mobile phone without something red hanging from it.
76) You start using the word 'oral' instead of 'spoken/speaking'.
77) When you realize you cant take a photo without raising your hand into a "V" sign and saying 'aubergine' in Chinese everytime.
78) When you think taking pictures of your friends on campus standing next to bins / lampposts / table tennis tables / gates constitutes fun.
79) Liquid or flaky poo is normal. Solid ones are looked upon with suspicion.
80) When the concept of punctuality has disappeared from your thought process.
81) You can automatically avoid stepping on those loose paving stones that spit up water when you step on it.
82) You think sleeping on a wooden bed sheet is comfortable and cooling.
83) You feel the uncontrollable urge to hurt something once you're asked what you think about 'DaShan' [an ugly Canadian whose head is 85% forehead and speaks perfect Chinese, a celebrity in China].
84) You're no longer surprised to see 22 year old male university students wearing David Beckham Tshirts.
85) You start to believe you actually could be the most handsome or beautiful foreigner known to man.
86) You can start to tell the difference between Koreans and Chinese.
87) You dont' even notice anymore when the lady going through your rubbish stops to answer her mobile phone.
88) You aren't suprised to walk into an office and find everyone either sleeping or eating.
89) You carry your phone in a case on your belt. You'd put it in your man-bag but that's full of cigarettes, plus the zip breaks easy on fake LV bags.
90) You think it's cool to book a table in a night club and sit and watch everyone else having a good time.
91) Putting ice into your beer with a teaspoon no longer makes you feel homosexual.
92) You're able to write characters on the table with your finger to explain your meaning.
93) You don't notice the people at 3 am watching the goings-on at the building site next to your apartment.
94) You think that the utter crap sold at tourist sites is good quality merchandise.
95) You've realised you can't run anymore.
96) All your light coloured shirts are stained.
The following are based on, but with personal amendments and additions from me, some guy on Facebook called Kirk Dougnalds. All genius observations.
93) You roll up parts of your clothing.
94) You think a chicken's foot is the best bit.
95) You enjoy a 'man stand' (standing with other men, doing nothing except spitting and smoking).
96) You wait (impatiently) for a 'xiaojie' to re-rack your balls on the pool table.
97) You state simple observational facts about yourself for conversation. Such as, 'wo hen lei' [I'm tired] or 'wo hen leng/re' [I'm cold/hot].
98) You prefer QQ [Chinese MSN]. Especially with the volume on.
99) You leave your apartment door wide open when u are home (particularly with the above).
100)You hate Japan vehemently.
101) You need glasses.
102) You start sitting 4 inches from the TV and still squint.
103) You think bars and clubs are places of evil.
104) You can't speak English very well.
105) You can speak the local dialect.
106) You say 'I know' to things you didn't know.
107) You say 'maybe' before stating a fact.
108) You start lying to avoid losing face.
109) A half pint of beer looks like a bucket.
110) You stop thinking about sex.
111) You think a man-made lake is very beautiful.
112) You think it's a good idea to wear high heels / jeans/ suit when climbing a mountain.
113) You think climbing 7kms of stone steps up a mountain in 35 degree heat is relaxing.
114) You open a window on the bus to avoid catching a cold, despite the fact it is freezing.
115) You start saying 'Bah bah' instead of 'bye'.
116) You think contact sports are very dangerous.
117) You feel embarrassed to split the bill.
118) You don't like quiet restaurants.
119) You interrupt peoples' conversations.
120) You think it's reasonable to yell out for a waiter's attention.
121) You don't allow your rucksack to touch the floor.
122) You insist on sitting on a book when sitting on something outside.
123) You get drunk on 1 pint of Western beer.
124) You continually say 'gan ma'.
125) You feel comfortable touching and being extremely close to people of the same sex.
126) You refer to your friends as siblings.
127) You roll up your t-shirt to reveal your fat stomach after a good meal.
(some of a facebook group, some of my own, all ones i agree with)
1) You walk backwards in a park, clapping your hands in front and behind you, listening to a transistor radio
2) You believe the following are medically beneficial / true
- walking backwards
- eating vegetables (soaked in oil)
- you can tell the sex of a pregnant woman's child by taking her pulse
- you shouldn't brush your teeth for 28 days after giving birth
- eating cloves of garlic with every meal
3) All white people look the same to you.
4) You call other foreigners 'laowai' (Chinese for foreigner).
4a) When you see another foreigner, you look them up and down notice their huge arse / yellow hair.
5) You think a 30 year old woman who wears Helly Kitty flip flops is cute.
6) It's OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th floor window.
7) You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times and jumping up and down will make the lift move faster / doors open quicker.
8) You push your way into a crowded bus/lift before letting other people off.
8a) It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift / bus before anyone can get off.
9) You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
10) You think that 3 pounds for a pair of shorts is a rip-off.
11) You have no reservations about spitting sunflower seeds on the restaurant / bar floor.
12) You feel cheated if you don't receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut.
13) You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.
14) You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.
15) You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
16) You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.
17) You look over other peoples shoulder to see what they are reading .
18) You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the pavement.
19) When car accidents become a source of heartwarming humour.
19a) When an 'incident' occurs on the street you gather round and stare gormlessly.
20) You have learnt how to detect someone is in a hurry behind you, and now have the ability to not only walk very slowly but also grow eyes in the back of your head, so when they start to overtake on the right hand side, you automatically cut in and walk very slowly directly in front of them.
21) You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.
22) You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle.
23) The last time you visited your mother, you gave her your business card.
24) You go to the local shop in pyjamas.
25) When looking out the window, you think “Wow, so many trees!” instead of “Wow, so much concrete!”
26) You think “white pills, blue pills, and pink powder” is an adequate answer to the question “What are you giving me, doctor?”
27) Firecrackers don't wake you up.
28) Forks feel funny.
29) You only wear a suit when you dig ditches or do home repairs.
30) Your handshake is weakening by the day.
31) You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
32) You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.
33) You feel insulted when you enter a restaurant and only three waiters welcome you.
34) When you get on a plane you quickly run for your pre-assigned seat.
35) You can justify drinking 9 laopi [beer] instead of 6 qingpi because it's 1 kuai [ 8 pence] cheaper.
36) When you think it is normal to give money to the turtles in the gardens and not to the homeless.
37) You believe smoking in the gym improves your cardiovascular workout.
38) You want to corner any foreigners you see to practice your English.
39) When you consider tiling the outside of your house with bathroom tiles.
40) You talk incredibly loudly on the phone, particularly on a crowded bus and in local dialect.
41) You're in the market and notice how expensive everything is.
42) You remember to take your tissues with you to the restaurant to wipe the sweat from your forehead afterwards.
43) When you walk round your flat in socks and flip-flops and don't feel like an idiot.
44) Somebody you met 5 minutes ago, introduces you as their "best friend".
45) You make 'best friends' with someone, exchange phone / QQ numbers and never hear from your new best friend again.
46) When you think warm beer and hot water are refreshing and healthy.
47) You no longer get pissed off at hearing how 'shuai' [handsome] you are or how 'li hai' [great] you are.
48) When you notice an attractive girl in short denim shorts, small top and high heels eyeing you up, you accept it's purely because a) the weather is hot and b) you have a very hairy face and big nose.
49) You want to be different and so dye your hair light brown like everyone else.
50) The lorry that sprays water on the road and plays the 'Happy Birthday' tune like a ringtone is no longer annoying.
51) You stop saying please, thank you and sorry, and subsitute them with en, ur and huh.
52) When you can talk on the phone for 20 minutes and only say "en"
53) When you start thinking, "what car shall i buy? A black 1983 Volkswagen Santana".
54) When you start saying how 'mang' [busy] you are because somebody asked you to do something and you're going to have to stop chatting online at work for 10 minutes.
55) When you see a child having a whizz in the lift / on the street is no longer disgusting.
56) When you start thinking that kids trousers with a slit in the back for excrement omittance is a good idea.
57) You wear pink plastic flip-flops.
58) You call the clouds of pollution 'fog'.
59) You say 'Aye-yaaaaaa!' unnecessarily loudly whenever anyone says something disagreeable.
60) When a problem arises you say 'zenme ban' [what should we do?], quickly followed by 'mei banfa' [there's nothing that can be done], then go to the net bar to play counter strike and forget about it.
61) You refer to the computer game Counter Strike as CS.
62) You've learnt how to spin a pen on your finger like Chinese kids can.
63) You think reading comic books in a bar is cool.
64) You stopped checking your weather on the BBC website, because opening it every day has caused all your internet actions to be censored.
65) You're no longer surprised that when ordering a beer, first comes the glass, then the beer, then a short while after the beer opener.
66) You're no longer surprised when, after asking for said beer opener, the waiter looks at you with a 'Shit, you're clever, that's a good idea' look.
67) You're no longer surprised when ordering food, the dishes will come first, followed 45 later minutes by the rice.
68) You think people are handsome just because they are tall.
69) You start using the word 'handsome'.
70) You say 'How to spell', instead of 'How do you spell'.
71) You refer to things as 'ke ai' [lovely, cute, nice], particularly in the presence of other men.
72) You walk at a mind-numbingly slow speed and block the whole sidewalk despite being wafer thin.
73) When watching a film you laugh uproariously at the most inane thing and insist on pointing it out to your foreign friend, explaining exactly why it is amusing.
74) You need a break after your lunch break.
75) You can't use a mobile phone without something red hanging from it.
76) You start using the word 'oral' instead of 'spoken/speaking'.
77) When you realize you cant take a photo without raising your hand into a "V" sign and saying 'aubergine' in Chinese everytime.
78) When you think taking pictures of your friends on campus standing next to bins / lampposts / table tennis tables / gates constitutes fun.
79) Liquid or flaky poo is normal. Solid ones are looked upon with suspicion.
80) When the concept of punctuality has disappeared from your thought process.
81) You can automatically avoid stepping on those loose paving stones that spit up water when you step on it.
82) You think sleeping on a wooden bed sheet is comfortable and cooling.
83) You feel the uncontrollable urge to hurt something once you're asked what you think about 'DaShan' [an ugly Canadian whose head is 85% forehead and speaks perfect Chinese, a celebrity in China].
84) You're no longer surprised to see 22 year old male university students wearing David Beckham Tshirts.
85) You start to believe you actually could be the most handsome or beautiful foreigner known to man.
86) You can start to tell the difference between Koreans and Chinese.
87) You dont' even notice anymore when the lady going through your rubbish stops to answer her mobile phone.
88) You aren't suprised to walk into an office and find everyone either sleeping or eating.
89) You carry your phone in a case on your belt. You'd put it in your man-bag but that's full of cigarettes, plus the zip breaks easy on fake LV bags.
90) You think it's cool to book a table in a night club and sit and watch everyone else having a good time.
91) Putting ice into your beer with a teaspoon no longer makes you feel homosexual.
92) You're able to write characters on the table with your finger to explain your meaning.
93) You don't notice the people at 3 am watching the goings-on at the building site next to your apartment.
94) You think that the utter crap sold at tourist sites is good quality merchandise.
95) You've realised you can't run anymore.
96) All your light coloured shirts are stained.
The following are based on, but with personal amendments and additions from me, some guy on Facebook called Kirk Dougnalds. All genius observations.
93) You roll up parts of your clothing.
94) You think a chicken's foot is the best bit.
95) You enjoy a 'man stand' (standing with other men, doing nothing except spitting and smoking).
96) You wait (impatiently) for a 'xiaojie' to re-rack your balls on the pool table.
97) You state simple observational facts about yourself for conversation. Such as, 'wo hen lei' [I'm tired] or 'wo hen leng/re' [I'm cold/hot].
98) You prefer QQ [Chinese MSN]. Especially with the volume on.
99) You leave your apartment door wide open when u are home (particularly with the above).
100)You hate Japan vehemently.
101) You need glasses.
102) You start sitting 4 inches from the TV and still squint.
103) You think bars and clubs are places of evil.
104) You can't speak English very well.
105) You can speak the local dialect.
106) You say 'I know' to things you didn't know.
107) You say 'maybe' before stating a fact.
108) You start lying to avoid losing face.
109) A half pint of beer looks like a bucket.
110) You stop thinking about sex.
111) You think a man-made lake is very beautiful.
112) You think it's a good idea to wear high heels / jeans/ suit when climbing a mountain.
113) You think climbing 7kms of stone steps up a mountain in 35 degree heat is relaxing.
114) You open a window on the bus to avoid catching a cold, despite the fact it is freezing.
115) You start saying 'Bah bah' instead of 'bye'.
116) You think contact sports are very dangerous.
117) You feel embarrassed to split the bill.
118) You don't like quiet restaurants.
119) You interrupt peoples' conversations.
120) You think it's reasonable to yell out for a waiter's attention.
121) You don't allow your rucksack to touch the floor.
122) You insist on sitting on a book when sitting on something outside.
123) You get drunk on 1 pint of Western beer.
124) You continually say 'gan ma'.
125) You feel comfortable touching and being extremely close to people of the same sex.
126) You refer to your friends as siblings.
127) You roll up your t-shirt to reveal your fat stomach after a good meal.
So yesterday I thought I'd give my new 'fan in a box' a try. It's this contraption which is a bit like a fan in a box, and you put cold water and ice packs inside, so when it's turned on, it blasts out cold air, instead of warm air like an ordinary fan does. To start with, my room temperature was 29.1 degrees. After 30 minutes 10 inches in front of the fan, the temperature reader was reading 29.0 degrees, a truly enormous change, producing igloo-like conditions in my room. And because it's quite noisy, it has to be turned off when trying to sleep anyway. Another quality Chinese product.
What have I been doing recently? Not a huge amount. Have 2 hours of Chinese lessons in the morning with a 'tutor' (Masters student), going through an intermediate level textbook. So it ensures I continue to make progress. I've been working a lot on my 'fayin' (pronunciation) recently, I have successfully learnt how to pronounce previously unpronouncable sounds, but I know I still have a horrible foreign accent. I've also started writing things again, and having them corrected. Learning new words, grammar, and using them both correctly is only half the challenge - the style of writing in Chinese is very different, and obviously incredibly hard to imitate. I think I could write a grammatically perfect essay and it would still be obviously penned by a foreigner.
Last week, I made 2 mistakes. One, agreed to teach English to some kids for a few days, and two, agreed to teach English to one rich kid for the summer. I've finished with the group of kids, and this week started with the rich kid. I teach him for 6 hours a week, 3 times a week. He's only 10, but really bright and already speaks decent English, much better than my flatmate whose 'major' is English. Today he corrected my spelling ('switches'). I tutor him in his house, and his mum sits next to him during the lesson. But today she gave me a Cornetto after the lesson, so it must be going OK. I got him to label everything with post-it notes today, that took up quite some time. Maybe next week I'll get him to label everything in the bathroom - 'What's this? That's right, it's a bog brush'.
Apart from this, I spend a lot of time reading Chinese, re-reading things, speaking to random people, and wandering around Xi'an on a bike. The bike allows what is a hectic, dirty, and stifflingly hot place to become a leisurely and relaxing city. It's all about the old fashioned handlebars that point in. I feel like I'm in cycling round Cambridge with deck shoes and a jumper tied round my shoulders, until I see an old man walking backwards across the road and realise that I am, indeed, in China.
What have I been doing recently? Not a huge amount. Have 2 hours of Chinese lessons in the morning with a 'tutor' (Masters student), going through an intermediate level textbook. So it ensures I continue to make progress. I've been working a lot on my 'fayin' (pronunciation) recently, I have successfully learnt how to pronounce previously unpronouncable sounds, but I know I still have a horrible foreign accent. I've also started writing things again, and having them corrected. Learning new words, grammar, and using them both correctly is only half the challenge - the style of writing in Chinese is very different, and obviously incredibly hard to imitate. I think I could write a grammatically perfect essay and it would still be obviously penned by a foreigner.
Last week, I made 2 mistakes. One, agreed to teach English to some kids for a few days, and two, agreed to teach English to one rich kid for the summer. I've finished with the group of kids, and this week started with the rich kid. I teach him for 6 hours a week, 3 times a week. He's only 10, but really bright and already speaks decent English, much better than my flatmate whose 'major' is English. Today he corrected my spelling ('switches'). I tutor him in his house, and his mum sits next to him during the lesson. But today she gave me a Cornetto after the lesson, so it must be going OK. I got him to label everything with post-it notes today, that took up quite some time. Maybe next week I'll get him to label everything in the bathroom - 'What's this? That's right, it's a bog brush'.
Apart from this, I spend a lot of time reading Chinese, re-reading things, speaking to random people, and wandering around Xi'an on a bike. The bike allows what is a hectic, dirty, and stifflingly hot place to become a leisurely and relaxing city. It's all about the old fashioned handlebars that point in. I feel like I'm in cycling round Cambridge with deck shoes and a jumper tied round my shoulders, until I see an old man walking backwards across the road and realise that I am, indeed, in China.
Tuesday, 3 July 2007
News reporting on China
Every week I read all the articles about China from the main British newspapers. The thing that strikes me most is the abysmal standard of reporting. I know mainstream journalists are mostly pretty indoctrinated (you have to be to get that high up), but they're obviously pretty lazy as well. I know the Telegraph main China guy gave up learning Chinese because it was too hard. He's meant to be this fountain of knowledge about China, and can't even speak to 99.9% of Chinese people.
And a couple of weeks ago there was a big story in a place 200kms outside of Beijing. The reporter, this time from the Guardian, relied 100% on Xinhua, the Chinese government news agency, for all the information. How about getting on a train and going there to find out for yourself? It's very noticeable how they use Xinhua when it suits them, for reasonably non-political stuff. Here, Xinhua is treated as reliable. But when it comes to more overtly politically-orientated stuff, Xinhua is referred to as 'the state controlled Xinhua', or 'government-controlled Xinhua', implying that, now, Xinhua is not useful as a source of accurate information. Personally, I'm sure Xinhua is rubbish, but then the British reporting is not far behind.
This week was the 10th anniversary of the return of Hong Kong. For 3 days there was nothing else on the news channel. I can't understand a lot of it, but the gist was 'HK is better, stronger, richer than before, also rightfully ours, so we're very happy'. That's fair enough, you wouldn't expect them to talk much about democracy and that sort of thing. It seems Beijing has mostly left it alone anyway, it's too much of a good thing for them to interfere in and mess up.
The reporting on it from this idiot in the Guardian, though, was an example of how indocrtrinated elites are. Here's the article - http://www.guardian.co.uk/china/story/0,,2115315,00.html
The first half is a sort of grudging acceptance that the Chinese didn't cock it up as predicted. The second half is almost Orwellian. And the second half is moaning about the lack of democracy. The last two paragraphs are as follows :
"On both sides of the border, there is more money, inequality and frustration. With neither administration elected by universal suffrage and both focusing on business interests, they increasingly resemble unpopular plutocracies.
"The collusion between rich people and the government is accelerating," said Leung Kwok Hung, the only popularly elected Marxist among the 1.3bn population of China. "We have a more divided society than ever. The gap between the rich and poor is widening.""
If you change the first few words from 'on both sides of the border' to 'In the UK', you would have a pretty accurate picture of affairs in England. England is richer, more unequal, and people feel they have no influence on government (eg, Iraq Adventure). Only 59% of people vote. Government is so obviously here to support leading British companies (eg, BAE-Saudi issue), it hardly needs clarifying. The last two sentences of the second paragraph are a pinpoint description of Britain. In HK, this situation is a disaster, but in the UK, its so widely accepted it's not even noticed.
It seems that this contradiction is just totally missed by this journalist. If he had half a brain that he cared to use, he would realise the proposterous nature of the rubbish he is writing. The idea that the UK government is somehow 'committed to democracy' is just absolute, utter rubbish, in England and especially abroad. Britain had 150 years to introduce democracy to HK, and chose not to. Why expect the Chinese to do so, especially as they're so evil and horrible anyway.
There's a phrase in Chinese - 'shuo san dao si 说三道四' - literally, say 3, do 4, ie., say one thing and do another. The Chinese government does it, but the idea that the British do it is just not acceptable in the higher levels of society, even when it is so glaringly obvious.
And a couple of weeks ago there was a big story in a place 200kms outside of Beijing. The reporter, this time from the Guardian, relied 100% on Xinhua, the Chinese government news agency, for all the information. How about getting on a train and going there to find out for yourself? It's very noticeable how they use Xinhua when it suits them, for reasonably non-political stuff. Here, Xinhua is treated as reliable. But when it comes to more overtly politically-orientated stuff, Xinhua is referred to as 'the state controlled Xinhua', or 'government-controlled Xinhua', implying that, now, Xinhua is not useful as a source of accurate information. Personally, I'm sure Xinhua is rubbish, but then the British reporting is not far behind.
This week was the 10th anniversary of the return of Hong Kong. For 3 days there was nothing else on the news channel. I can't understand a lot of it, but the gist was 'HK is better, stronger, richer than before, also rightfully ours, so we're very happy'. That's fair enough, you wouldn't expect them to talk much about democracy and that sort of thing. It seems Beijing has mostly left it alone anyway, it's too much of a good thing for them to interfere in and mess up.
The reporting on it from this idiot in the Guardian, though, was an example of how indocrtrinated elites are. Here's the article - http://www.guardian.co.uk/china/story/0,,2115315,00.html
The first half is a sort of grudging acceptance that the Chinese didn't cock it up as predicted. The second half is almost Orwellian. And the second half is moaning about the lack of democracy. The last two paragraphs are as follows :
"On both sides of the border, there is more money, inequality and frustration. With neither administration elected by universal suffrage and both focusing on business interests, they increasingly resemble unpopular plutocracies.
"The collusion between rich people and the government is accelerating," said Leung Kwok Hung, the only popularly elected Marxist among the 1.3bn population of China. "We have a more divided society than ever. The gap between the rich and poor is widening.""
If you change the first few words from 'on both sides of the border' to 'In the UK', you would have a pretty accurate picture of affairs in England. England is richer, more unequal, and people feel they have no influence on government (eg, Iraq Adventure). Only 59% of people vote. Government is so obviously here to support leading British companies (eg, BAE-Saudi issue), it hardly needs clarifying. The last two sentences of the second paragraph are a pinpoint description of Britain. In HK, this situation is a disaster, but in the UK, its so widely accepted it's not even noticed.
It seems that this contradiction is just totally missed by this journalist. If he had half a brain that he cared to use, he would realise the proposterous nature of the rubbish he is writing. The idea that the UK government is somehow 'committed to democracy' is just absolute, utter rubbish, in England and especially abroad. Britain had 150 years to introduce democracy to HK, and chose not to. Why expect the Chinese to do so, especially as they're so evil and horrible anyway.
There's a phrase in Chinese - 'shuo san dao si 说三道四' - literally, say 3, do 4, ie., say one thing and do another. The Chinese government does it, but the idea that the British do it is just not acceptable in the higher levels of society, even when it is so glaringly obvious.
Food stuff
These are pictures of 'malatang'. This was just after my week of no eating, hence the skeletal appearance. Your table has a big bowl in the middle, heated underneath, which is divided into two different soup things, one spicy, one not. You then go a select your food, all of which is on sticks. The funny thing is it all looks different but tastes more or less the same. Then you go back and put all the sticks with food on into the soups, then when you eat it, you pull it off the sticks with your chopsticks, dip in the bowl with peanut butter stuff in, then eat it, all the time being buffeted by steam from the soup. I like it mainly because it's funny trying to eat it, as well the lively atmosphere in the restaurant.
Rock concert
This was a music 'festival' the other day in a field outside Xi'an. Like most things here, it was great not because of any intrinsic quality but because it's just so strange, interesting, and different. You never know what's going to happen.
For the first few acts, the people at the front were all sitting on the floor. True party animals, these guys. My flatmate is the worst for this. To digress a little, we went to another music thing the other day, and when he was telling me beforehand about it, he said it would be really good for 2 reasons - a) they have chairs, and b) the chairs will be comfortable. I just find it so funny the a key requirement for a music event aimed at young people is the quality, comfort and ampleness of the seating. So many are just too lazy to stand.
It was mostly rock music, but Act 3 was a middle-aged woman in sequien dress belting out such rock classics as 'Moon River'. Again, I just find this so funny - all these people dressed up in the audience for a night of rock and then their mum comes on stage for an operatic version of Moon River.
Although I do class Moon River as one of the my Desert Island Discs (who doesn't?), I thought that would be a good time to check out the grounds. There was a lake somewhere behind the stage, and when I was walking round it, some old dude grabbed my arm and tried to throw me in it. I broke his grip and walked off, then he picked up a brick and threw it at me (he missed). I retaliated with some colourful English and Chinese swearing, although it's very hard to swear in Chinese when taken by surprise.
After a while (and after the Moon River woman), the people at the front finally got up and started moving, throwing drinks around,etc. The music was OK, nothing incredible, mainly local performers from Xi'an. Had some rappers, some Avril Lavigne impersonators, Guns and Roses, some group doing Libertines stuff. (I've no idea who they are, but my Aussie friend told me).
And then, in something that nicely sums up the petty paranioa of Chinese authorities, the police stopped it 11pm (it was meant to be an all night event) because they were worried it would get out of control. I.e., they were worried people might actually enjoy themselves and do such outrageous things as having a good time. There was no way this event was ever going to get out of control, old people in Crown Bingo on a Sunday morning are more raucus than Chinese students, but they shut it down anyway. So I sat around for a while with some Chinese friends eating lollipops and hiding under umbrellas becuase of the light drizzle (again, hilarious).
And you thought Glasto was good.
Cycling in China
My friend was given a bike recently, and I've taken it out for a spin a couple of times. It's a big ugly black old thing called 'erbai dalu' with those old-fashioned handlebars pointing in. When you cycle past people, you sometimes hear' 'look, foreigner on a bike!'. The young people note how old and horrible the bike is, but the old people give you a knowing nod of respect.
The best thing is the sense of freedom. You can go wherever you like, at whatever speed you like, at whatever time you like. Last week I went into the city centre (about an hour) at 11 at night and spent all night riding round, getting lost in side streets, cycling on empty 4 lane roads, just sampling the summer nighttime atmosphere, etc. Great fun. And like the best things in life, it's free.
The complete lack of bike lights, helmets, reflectors, trousers clips, water bottle on the frame, panniers, and whatever else constitutes cycling in an EU health-and-safety regulated country only adds to the freedom and fun. All you need here is a bike (although the bell comes in handy). I felt like an idiot the first time I rang the bell, but you really have to give it tinkle now and then with all people wandering all over the place.
You can go on either lane of the road or the pavement. If you don't feel like stopping at the red lights, that's cool, no worries. If you want to have a go on the 4 lane roundabout in the middle of the city, that's cool as well, you'll be joined by plenty others.
The strangest thing is that if you ride like a sensible person, you will have trouble. If you make eye contact with people coming on the opposite direction, it promotes indecision so everyone starts wobbling around as you get closer and that's when accidents happen. The best thing is just to ignore everything and keep going - people will (mostly) stop for you. It's very counter-intuitive, and I haven't mastered it yet, but it's surprisingly true.
The best thing is the sense of freedom. You can go wherever you like, at whatever speed you like, at whatever time you like. Last week I went into the city centre (about an hour) at 11 at night and spent all night riding round, getting lost in side streets, cycling on empty 4 lane roads, just sampling the summer nighttime atmosphere, etc. Great fun. And like the best things in life, it's free.
The complete lack of bike lights, helmets, reflectors, trousers clips, water bottle on the frame, panniers, and whatever else constitutes cycling in an EU health-and-safety regulated country only adds to the freedom and fun. All you need here is a bike (although the bell comes in handy). I felt like an idiot the first time I rang the bell, but you really have to give it tinkle now and then with all people wandering all over the place.
You can go on either lane of the road or the pavement. If you don't feel like stopping at the red lights, that's cool, no worries. If you want to have a go on the 4 lane roundabout in the middle of the city, that's cool as well, you'll be joined by plenty others.
The strangest thing is that if you ride like a sensible person, you will have trouble. If you make eye contact with people coming on the opposite direction, it promotes indecision so everyone starts wobbling around as you get closer and that's when accidents happen. The best thing is just to ignore everything and keep going - people will (mostly) stop for you. It's very counter-intuitive, and I haven't mastered it yet, but it's surprisingly true.
Classmates
One of the best things about studying Chinese here is the international atmosphere. Most of the students are Korean. I'm in 2 classes, and the majority are Korean and really nice. I had a good friend from Korea who left the other day, so hopefully I've bagged myself free accommodation for next time I'm in Korea. One time, the lesson was on eating out, and one of the Koreans invited everyone over to their flat that evening, where she cooked loads of really good Korean food. Being a modern day Notre Damus, I decided not to go to class that day, so didn't know about this and heard about it the day after from someone else...
There were loads of Kazakhs here earlier on in the term, but they've all gone home. They were pretty cool, but my Kazakh isn't upto much so conversation was limited. They're pretty friendly to each other, always shaking hands and hugging when seeing each other in the morning. Quite a few of them were always shaking my hand, even though I didn't know them. As long as it didn't get onto hugs, I thought it was great. The coolest guy was the one who, on May 7th, pointed out to my German flatmate that it was VE day. 'Thet vas a real var!'
There's a class of Vietnamese as well, they're all really good at Chinese, and super friendly. One of them is so incredibly friendly, she just talks to everyone and anyone. If I had any money, I'd be going down to Vietnam this summer.
Then there's a few others, a few Aussies, 2 from England, a few from Western Europe and America. The only time I've spoken to one of the Italians is when he asked me if I knew Samantha Fox, apparently she's still big in Italy. There's a couple of guys from Ghana, and I feel sorry for them because being black in China is not easy. There were 3 other English guys here, but because the teaching is so dreadful they left.
There were loads of Kazakhs here earlier on in the term, but they've all gone home. They were pretty cool, but my Kazakh isn't upto much so conversation was limited. They're pretty friendly to each other, always shaking hands and hugging when seeing each other in the morning. Quite a few of them were always shaking my hand, even though I didn't know them. As long as it didn't get onto hugs, I thought it was great. The coolest guy was the one who, on May 7th, pointed out to my German flatmate that it was VE day. 'Thet vas a real var!'
There's a class of Vietnamese as well, they're all really good at Chinese, and super friendly. One of them is so incredibly friendly, she just talks to everyone and anyone. If I had any money, I'd be going down to Vietnam this summer.
Then there's a few others, a few Aussies, 2 from England, a few from Western Europe and America. The only time I've spoken to one of the Italians is when he asked me if I knew Samantha Fox, apparently she's still big in Italy. There's a couple of guys from Ghana, and I feel sorry for them because being black in China is not easy. There were 3 other English guys here, but because the teaching is so dreadful they left.
People pictures 3
I can't remember what this was for, but the people are : me, Josh, Jiang Shen Long, the grammar teacher, a Korean in my class, Aktoty (Kazakhstan), Nofita (Indonesia), ?, Rosa (both Kazakstan). Taken in a Xinjiang (China's most Western province) restaurant. Quality food.
People pictures 1
This was a dinner for the Korean guy in the white shirt, front row centre. A cool dude. Front row, L-F = Brooke, Josh (both Aussie), Jiang Shen Long (Korea), Agus(Indonesia), Tom (Pom). Back row, L-R = ?, Sana (both Japanese), Clemens (German), Shaun (American). All classmates, more or less.
Thursday, 28 June 2007
Better than Chinglish
I've just found this in an article about PADD = Political Attention Deficit Disorder. Tasteless, I know...
“The symptoms of PADD are all around us and treating it professionally can do more for our country than any election,” said Dr. Mable Wank in the report's introduction; she is chairwoman of the Council and a professor at UCLA.
“The symptoms of PADD are all around us and treating it professionally can do more for our country than any election,” said Dr. Mable Wank in the report's introduction; she is chairwoman of the Council and a professor at UCLA.
Problem solving, Chinese style
In short, problems do not get solved. Case in point are my 2 Chinese flatmates, who have completely fallen out and cannot be in the same room together, which is unfortunate because they share a room. I think one of them has actually gone crazy. Let me explain...
I wondered why one of them had taken to sleeping on the sofa. It turns out they have had lots of little problems, and failing to deal with them, they turned into big problems, which all ended with death threats and the like. Things like the volume on FanQian's computer, XiaoMing turning off the fridge, XiaoMing recently having more foreign friends that FanQian, they just ballooned. FanQian was so scared he was nearly crying last week, and locked the door at night. XiaoMing has for the time moved out to God knows where, probably the stairwell where he likes to read.
Maybe I sound a bit patronising, but it's difficult not to. The stupidity displayed by these 2 is really something, I'm still laughing about it with Clemens (German flatmates). Their situation here is something that most of their classmates would give their right arm for - living with pretty easy-going, English speaking foreigners, way more freedom than in the dorms on campus, etc, etc. But they've messed it up royaly, because of a complete inability to even confront the smallest problem.
So this Sunday, us 4 get together to try and find out a) why is there a problem and b) what to do about it, because, after all, all 4 of us want to stay where we are. There were in fact about 12 people in the room, their friends decided to come along. This is so Chinese - when ever anything of interest happens, there's always plenty of people around to look or join in. There's a fountain display thing in a park round the corner, and its pretty average, but everyday a few thousand people turn up to watch it.
So we've got all these 20 year old male students sitting round with no shirts on (it wasn't as gay as it sounds). XiaoMing insisted on sitting on the floor (and he wonders why no-one respects him). All I wanted to know was 'what is the problem'. You'd think this was in easy question, but they are just so unwilling to face facts, I'm still not entirely clear. One guy even threatened to start a fight, which was hilarious, because he, like the rest of them, was weedy as anything. XiaoMing and FanQian both can't even open their own pineapple beer. After an hour, with almost zero progress, I just left because it was a waste of time.
So it looks like when they're both back from the summer holiday, XiaoMing will be leaving. He has actually gone crazy, I think. Recently he's been saying some really weird things - 'I am a superstar', 'I often tell lies to puzzle people', this having 5 minutes before telling me how honest he is. Some of stuff he comes out with and does, I just cannot understand this guy at all.
As always, never easy, always interesting.
I wondered why one of them had taken to sleeping on the sofa. It turns out they have had lots of little problems, and failing to deal with them, they turned into big problems, which all ended with death threats and the like. Things like the volume on FanQian's computer, XiaoMing turning off the fridge, XiaoMing recently having more foreign friends that FanQian, they just ballooned. FanQian was so scared he was nearly crying last week, and locked the door at night. XiaoMing has for the time moved out to God knows where, probably the stairwell where he likes to read.
Maybe I sound a bit patronising, but it's difficult not to. The stupidity displayed by these 2 is really something, I'm still laughing about it with Clemens (German flatmates). Their situation here is something that most of their classmates would give their right arm for - living with pretty easy-going, English speaking foreigners, way more freedom than in the dorms on campus, etc, etc. But they've messed it up royaly, because of a complete inability to even confront the smallest problem.
So this Sunday, us 4 get together to try and find out a) why is there a problem and b) what to do about it, because, after all, all 4 of us want to stay where we are. There were in fact about 12 people in the room, their friends decided to come along. This is so Chinese - when ever anything of interest happens, there's always plenty of people around to look or join in. There's a fountain display thing in a park round the corner, and its pretty average, but everyday a few thousand people turn up to watch it.
So we've got all these 20 year old male students sitting round with no shirts on (it wasn't as gay as it sounds). XiaoMing insisted on sitting on the floor (and he wonders why no-one respects him). All I wanted to know was 'what is the problem'. You'd think this was in easy question, but they are just so unwilling to face facts, I'm still not entirely clear. One guy even threatened to start a fight, which was hilarious, because he, like the rest of them, was weedy as anything. XiaoMing and FanQian both can't even open their own pineapple beer. After an hour, with almost zero progress, I just left because it was a waste of time.
So it looks like when they're both back from the summer holiday, XiaoMing will be leaving. He has actually gone crazy, I think. Recently he's been saying some really weird things - 'I am a superstar', 'I often tell lies to puzzle people', this having 5 minutes before telling me how honest he is. Some of stuff he comes out with and does, I just cannot understand this guy at all.
As always, never easy, always interesting.
Daily life
It wouldn't be in a post from Our Man In China without a comment on the weather. Hot, hot and hot is the best way to describe it - 38 bog ones today, and you can feel everyone of them. Last week was actually wet and cold, but I think the trousers have been firmly put into hibernation for the next few months.
Daily life is pretty relaxing and stress-free. The only stress is to ensure I continue to speak lots, listen lots and read lots. Weekday mornings from 8-12 is lessons, then afterwards I can do what I want. I don't need a job yet, so I have tonnes of free time. I see a tutor on Monday and Thursday afternoon, some friends on Monday, Tuesday and Friday to speak Chinese, but nothing much else pre-arranged. There is a tendency for random things to happen all the time, so I often end up speaking quite a lot. With the teaching being so awful, I often don't go to lessons, which doesn't really make much difference. I find its often more helpful talking to the lady in charge of the reference room.
The pace of life in Xian is pretty slow. Its funny, on the surface, it looks manic, with all the crazy drivers and hordes of people everywhere all the time. But in fact, everything happens quite slowly. People walk so slowly, its quite frustrating when you're behind a line of 3 or more. The traffic is so slow because its a bit of a free-for-all. Offices and the like are shut for a couple of hours around lunch.
I think I've been quite good in avoiding speaking English, I can often go a couple of days without speaking it. I don't go to any of the foreigner places, partly because it won't help the Chinese, and partly because it's too expensive. Although I often speak to a couple of Australian friends, and my German flatmate as well. Sometimes its good to talk English over a beer and some barbequed meat-on-a-stick on the pavement outside our flat.
I eat in small, cheap resturants every meal. I haven't really found a place I can go to everyday to speak the people who run it, as I had hoped, but I sometimes end up talking to the owners or other customers. There's quite a few other foreigners around, so I'm not really as interesting as I would be somewhere else in China.
The summer break is approaching, but it will mostly be more of the same - sweating, studying, speaking and sweating some more. Good times to roll on!
Daily life is pretty relaxing and stress-free. The only stress is to ensure I continue to speak lots, listen lots and read lots. Weekday mornings from 8-12 is lessons, then afterwards I can do what I want. I don't need a job yet, so I have tonnes of free time. I see a tutor on Monday and Thursday afternoon, some friends on Monday, Tuesday and Friday to speak Chinese, but nothing much else pre-arranged. There is a tendency for random things to happen all the time, so I often end up speaking quite a lot. With the teaching being so awful, I often don't go to lessons, which doesn't really make much difference. I find its often more helpful talking to the lady in charge of the reference room.
The pace of life in Xian is pretty slow. Its funny, on the surface, it looks manic, with all the crazy drivers and hordes of people everywhere all the time. But in fact, everything happens quite slowly. People walk so slowly, its quite frustrating when you're behind a line of 3 or more. The traffic is so slow because its a bit of a free-for-all. Offices and the like are shut for a couple of hours around lunch.
I think I've been quite good in avoiding speaking English, I can often go a couple of days without speaking it. I don't go to any of the foreigner places, partly because it won't help the Chinese, and partly because it's too expensive. Although I often speak to a couple of Australian friends, and my German flatmate as well. Sometimes its good to talk English over a beer and some barbequed meat-on-a-stick on the pavement outside our flat.
I eat in small, cheap resturants every meal. I haven't really found a place I can go to everyday to speak the people who run it, as I had hoped, but I sometimes end up talking to the owners or other customers. There's quite a few other foreigners around, so I'm not really as interesting as I would be somewhere else in China.
The summer break is approaching, but it will mostly be more of the same - sweating, studying, speaking and sweating some more. Good times to roll on!
Friday, 15 June 2007
Illnesses
Two and a half months of continuous mild illnesses - hay fever, cold, laduzi (diarrhoea) - have finally taken its toll and I'm currently in my 81st hour of having eaten precisely nothing. This pleasant virus - Latin name, biggus bastardis - has the amazing feature of allowing me to continue to be sick and have laduzi after having ingested zero food.
Without wishing to wither away so early in the challenge of learning Chinese, I went to the campus hospital yesterday. It struck me as quite Chinese - functional and dirty. The guy doing the blood testing insisted on spitting on the floor, mid-prick. Then they gave me some glucose drips to keep me going. But this morning, after facing the awkward bathroom problem of desperately needing to empty out both ends at once with only one toilet, I thought I should go back for some more glucose goodness. The doctors seemed to think I was bit wet, requesting more glucose, but I need something, damn it!
Why the illness(es)? I think it's a combination of China-related factors. Incredibly hot, stuffy weather with ever decreasing air quality. Recently the pollution really has been bad, everything is grey from dust. I've been reluctant even to go outside.
My frame of mind may also be a contributing factor. Along with the weather, the language is just crazy. It's so brain-mashingly hard. The realization that I will almost certainly never be able to read a book even remotely like I can in English is depressing. I'm still making good progress, but it's fraught. I can almost feel the words, characters, pinyin, sayings, all pushing and shoving for space in my memory, ejecting previously known things, such as 'What was the first major battle of the English Civil War', for ever.
Also, one Chinese characteristic has, for some reason, been driving me nuts recently. It seems a great deal of people here don't know how to think. The whole education here is designed to teach people what to think, not how to think, and it really shows. So often you'll see people doing things, and it just makes no sense. The main example is the traffic - a simple, well thought-out, thorough, system would make things so much better. But instead they opt for the 'do whatever we think of first' approach, which leads to predictable results. Even at university, students are expected to memorise page after page of information. If there is a problem at the flat, my Chinese flatmates just do not know how to deal with it. Then you suggest something, and it's treated as the best suggestion ever (it usually isn't). Our teachers are bad at this, as well. I wonder if, after a 2 hour speaking lesson in which the teacher has spoken for an hour and fifty five of those minutes, they ever stop to think 'Is this really the best way to teach?' Somehow I doubt it. This article here could possibly be considered an extension of this - money and short-termism. http://www.guardian.co.uk/china/story/0,,2100622,00.html
So tomorrow I'll go back and get more energy in a drip, and hopefully be able to eat some solids later on. As Homer Simpson once said, 'but I love solids'.
Without wishing to wither away so early in the challenge of learning Chinese, I went to the campus hospital yesterday. It struck me as quite Chinese - functional and dirty. The guy doing the blood testing insisted on spitting on the floor, mid-prick. Then they gave me some glucose drips to keep me going. But this morning, after facing the awkward bathroom problem of desperately needing to empty out both ends at once with only one toilet, I thought I should go back for some more glucose goodness. The doctors seemed to think I was bit wet, requesting more glucose, but I need something, damn it!
Why the illness(es)? I think it's a combination of China-related factors. Incredibly hot, stuffy weather with ever decreasing air quality. Recently the pollution really has been bad, everything is grey from dust. I've been reluctant even to go outside.
My frame of mind may also be a contributing factor. Along with the weather, the language is just crazy. It's so brain-mashingly hard. The realization that I will almost certainly never be able to read a book even remotely like I can in English is depressing. I'm still making good progress, but it's fraught. I can almost feel the words, characters, pinyin, sayings, all pushing and shoving for space in my memory, ejecting previously known things, such as 'What was the first major battle of the English Civil War', for ever.
Also, one Chinese characteristic has, for some reason, been driving me nuts recently. It seems a great deal of people here don't know how to think. The whole education here is designed to teach people what to think, not how to think, and it really shows. So often you'll see people doing things, and it just makes no sense. The main example is the traffic - a simple, well thought-out, thorough, system would make things so much better. But instead they opt for the 'do whatever we think of first' approach, which leads to predictable results. Even at university, students are expected to memorise page after page of information. If there is a problem at the flat, my Chinese flatmates just do not know how to deal with it. Then you suggest something, and it's treated as the best suggestion ever (it usually isn't). Our teachers are bad at this, as well. I wonder if, after a 2 hour speaking lesson in which the teacher has spoken for an hour and fifty five of those minutes, they ever stop to think 'Is this really the best way to teach?' Somehow I doubt it. This article here could possibly be considered an extension of this - money and short-termism. http://www.guardian.co.uk/china/story/0,,2100622,00.html
So tomorrow I'll go back and get more energy in a drip, and hopefully be able to eat some solids later on. As Homer Simpson once said, 'but I love solids'.
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