Renting a flat in Xian in one evening

With the contract on my flat ending in a couple of weeks and the two-hour round trip commute to and from work through hopelessly narrow roads filled with new cars on a bus that more often than not cannot be boarded because of the overcrowding, sometimes at only the first stop, I've started a search for a new place. This will be the fourth flat I've rented here, so I'd like to think I learnt something in the process.

I finished work at six and jumped in a taxi - the congestion is horrendous at this time of day. I met the man and wife who run a small 'estate agents' in a nice living area inside the city walls. I say estate agents, it was a small concrete room next to the bike and moped shed, with the flat information written in chalk on the outside wall. I'd been there yesterday and liked the area, right next to the city wall and South Gate - it feels like you're actually in Xian rather than just the endless sprawling grey suburbs. This living area, like many areas, is a sealed-off section with only a couple of gates in and out, making it very peaceful compared to the raging noise going on outside.

It took me a long time in Xian to discover these living areas - they can be well hidden. Many of these areas are affiliated with a factory, government department and so on - ie, the employees in that institution get assigned houses. This system doesn't really exist much any more - most people with money want to live in a new house with a lift, car park and no play area for their kids.

The bloke in charge emerged from his little concrete room next to the bike and moped shed, wearing the blue plastic flipflops that are the shoe of choice for many in the summer months. He was taking me to see a one-bedroom flat. I left slightly disappointed - as expected, 'fully furnished' is a phrase that needs some salt. We went back and I asked him what his commission was. He said a month’s rent, which was funny because his wife had told me the day before it was half a month’s rent (plus the standard is half a month anywhere anyway). He said, 'seeing as you can speak Chinese, I'll do it for half a month’s rent'. What he meant was I wasn't a foreigner who makes up for his lack of Chinese language skills with lots of money. Although hardly a sweeping triumph, I felt quite pleased.

Anyway, we looked at a two-bedroom flat as well. I asked the person packing up their things (out of earshot of the 'agent') if there was anything that wasn't any good - she pointed to the water heater used for the shower. The very same one that Mr Blue Flipflops had told me was 'absolutely fine' less than a minute ago, in fact. So rubbish was it that she even bought a new one. On the way down the stairs, I asked him how old the buildings were. He said they were built in 1995, 30 years newer than I thought they were, which proved my theory that buildings in China age incredibly quickly. A couple of days later, I had another theory - he was talking crap to get my money off me.

Slightly disappointed and promising to call him tomorrow (which I didn't do, naturally), I went to the nearest internet bar to search for flats. Most of the people looking for someone to live with requested girls only. No pets, cleanliness, a steady job and good 'societal relationships' (no drug-taking friends, etc) were other common requirements. I phoned one number, which was answered by a very brusque woman. At one point I thought she said 'you're not allowed to go home'. Turns out she said 'you not allowed to bring home people randomly'. Selective hearing can sometimes have its drawbacks.

As the flat was in the centre of the city near the Bell Tower, it was just a short walk. But with time of the essence, I flagged down a moped. These are mostly retired guys cruising (illegally) round the city earning some extra cash. I think they're great, and certainly necessary given the horrendously crowded buses. You wave them by shouting 'la bu la - do you take people?'. You have to be wary not to flag down a legitimate moped driver, however, as you'll look like a tit when they drive past, ignoring you.

I found the flat inside another living area. It was huge, an entire thriving community in itself, and right next to the Bell Tower and main streets, but you would have no idea it was there without prior knowledge. On entering, I was informed that the room had just been taken. I was presented with indoor flipflops (for wearing after taking your shoes off) and the offer of a glass of hot water, but I declined. As soon as the door closed, I had the idea of looking at it and offering slightly more if it was good. But like all my best ideas, they come too late, and without the necessary decisiveness to make it matter.

In the middle of this living area I found another small estate agents, the (probably fake) placards on the wall from various government departments suggesting this was a relatively big operation. The agent was a middle-aged man, bald, possibly blind, with strong dialect. I was assured every flat he suggested was 'piaoliang de hen!' - very beautiful. He thought some body language would aid my understanding when explaining the contents of the flat. The one for shower involved lots of gyrating.

The thing I like about these guys is that they never give a straight answer, and are just trying to maximise financial gain. The good thing is, it's always like this, so I feel less of a shit when asking him questions he doesn't like (ie, any question). If you’re absolutely confident the other guy is trying to get one over on you instead of just not sure, you can be firmer in your dealings.

Anyway, the landlords of a couple of flats were out so I couldn't see anything that night. After accepting a Good Cat cigarette and enjoying it while he did his 'this flat is beautiful / not a penny cheaper, my hands are tied / i will personally help you buy a second-hand tv' thing with a timid-looking Chinese lady from outside the province, I left. I went to another netbar to have another quick search for something. This netbar was above a nightclub with some very inebriated young woman falling out and off their high heels. If there was a competition for 'most attractive woman viewed from behind', China could well take it.

In the netbar I found a number and gave it a try. It sounded promising, but was told I had to wait until Sunday to actually see it. As it was nearing 10 o’clock, I decided it might be time to call it a day. But then the woman sitting next to me came over, heard I was looking for a flat, and offered to take me to the living area where she lived just round the corner to ask about flats. The first three things that went through my mind where 'what are you after', 'maybe she's a nymphomaniac', and 'you need a better facial wash, I wonder if they have tea tree oil here'.

Turns out she was a perfectly normal, friendly person. We walked the ten minutes back to the 'living area'. This one was the living area for the City Government. She said there were only old people living here now. Not surprising, really, given the money swashing through layers of Chinese government. Anyway, there were no flats again, so we said goodbye and, with the last bus back to the south of the city leaving shortly, I decided to call it a day.

TOP TIPS FOR RENTING A FLAT IN CHINA

• Do your research

• Be patient and respectful

• Don't be a sap, man!

Consumers of the World - Unite!

May 1st is International Labour Day and as such is a public holiday in China. Falling on a Friday this year, it meant a three day weekend (although it used to be a whole week holiday). And what better way to show your solidarity with tea pickers in Kenya and steel workers in America than to go shopping, surely number 1 pastime of Chinese, way ahead of table tennis in terms of overall participants. Xiao Zhai is a favourite place of my girlfriend, and most other females under 35 in fact. I think the best adjective to describe it is 'swarming'. In one place, there was literally a traffic jam of people, the pavement too narrow to accommodate the herds of consumers. The ancient Chinese had a phrase apt for most situations, and here is no exception. 心静自然凉 (xin jing zi ran liang), which roughly translated means a calm heart (or state of mind) will cool yourself down, regardless of external conditions. Although back then the Chinese were much to sophisticated and cultured as to engage in anything like consumerism, it is extremely true. Having faced the hoards of people on hot, crowded, dusty shopping streets so many times now, I have developed a certain patience that did not previously exist. Also I ended up spending no money, which helped my mood.

Afterwards, at my behest, we went to a bar street, which was like sitting in a nice hot bath after a hard day at work on a Friday or snuggling under the warm duvet when outside its raining and horrible (also on a Friday). Empty chairs on tables lined the narrow street, cars were few, no shops selling rubbish, natural greenery provided shade, and an absolute fantastic blueberry smoothie thing made it my idea of a day off. And despite the lack of retail therapy opportunities, I think even my opposite number felt a degree of relaxation.

Last week at work, I've been in the simulator centre of the Xian Electrical College, which is a short walk from our company and the location for the next stage of the training we are giving Indonesian power station operators. The lying that goes on here is hilarious. We told them before that we had our own simulator centre, so the last few days everyone has been asking me if all these students on campus belong to our company. Hmmm, not quite. Displaying our company's almost inability to prepare anything properly, half of the simulator screens are in Chinese, i.e., useless for an Indonesian. But our translators have done a sterling job in providing hand written translations (tres professionel), and generally they've done the extremely difficult interpretation well. I sit at the back taking notes about their performance, as befits my title of 'translation consultant'. If I ever have to do it myself, the illusion will be revealed.

In other news, Saturday afternoon was spent doing the twice annual 'Wardrobe Switch'. It's spring, so the trousers, jumpers, jackets and anything remotely thick have been bagged and stored, and the shorts and flip flops reappeared after 6 months in hibernation. There's two types of people in Xian, those who are 怕冷(literally, scared of the cold) and those who are 怕热 (scared of the heat), and I definitely belong to the latter. The first year here I got sick, couldn't eat anything for 5 days and turned into a skeleton. Last year was better, but it's still going to be sleepness nights, drowsiness, decreased calorie intake and potential for flared tempers. All I have to do is remember the ancient Chinese - 心静自然凉.

Working lunch

The dinner table is to a Chinese as the golf course is to an American - an ideal location for business discussions. Recently, I've been offered a position in a university in Xian to help establish links with overseas universities for exchange programs, and, accordingly, have been involved in discussions recently.

The first stage was interesting. My friend and former tutor is now a teacher in that university, so he is the all-important 'go-between'. I don't have much experience, but I've heard Chinese only like to do business with associates, or at least people they have some personnel connection with. When you consider its quite an individualistic society, with people looking to make money left right and centre, it is a sensible policy.

So in the last couple of weeks, I've been talking over a coffee in a quiet corner of a cafe about my position and that of the school with that friend. It reminds me of diplomats arranging the basics before the meeting of the political leaders. After two meetings, it was decided that last Friday was a good time to meet the university "lingdao", or leaders.


Expecting an evening of significant baijiu consumption, I had had an extra big lunch. So it was to my great surprise when I walked in and found three women sitting at the table. I had assumed it would be fat middle-aged men with white socks and bad teeth smoking 'Good Cat' cigarettes. I was introduced by my friend to them, and did the only thing appropriate on such occassions - immediately forgot their names.

I also forgot their titles, but it became apparent during the dinner that the woman to my left was the most important. She had a habit of laughing uproariously and spitting out shrimp legs at the same time. The other two (later three) were more demure, following the lead of the leg-spitter. The later addition was actually a former teacher of mine, and so with everyone reasonably familiar with each other, it was a pleasant evening.

The food was certainly a success. For occasions like this, there is always much more food than could possibly be eaten. Although I did my best to break this rule, taking a special fancy to a sort of fried rice cooked inside a pineapple.

Being from a university and with mostly woman in attendance, the atmosphere was more sincere than I had previously assumed. Firstly we made polite chat about this and that. Teacher Gao displayed her appalling command of French, and I complimented her heartily (what else can you do?). Teacher Xiang (the most important one) went off on a lengthy tangent about how she encountered wild animals last time she went to the mountains. Everyone listened patiently, possibly wondering the same thing as me - 'would it be rude if I kept eating that pineapply thing while she tells this incredibly boring, self-centred, anecdote'? It always amazes me how much most people like the sound of their own voice, even though it seems a certain way to ensure you are disliked my other members of your party.

After the eating was mostly over, we got to the 'zheng shi' - the point of the dinner. They want me to work in their university, setting up a website, contacting foreign universities, getting students to come to China. As I already have a job I like, but one possibly not able to renew my visa, the negotiations were tricky, and I discovered afterwards there were one or two misunderstandings. We also avoided the tricky question of money, although universities in China are overflowing with money, so hopefully it won't be too much of an issue.

At the end of the evening, the leader paid the bill, and being a teacher, she got 15% off, which is a common arrangement for restaurants in areas with universities and schools. She asked me if there were similar arrangements for teachers in England. I think not. The mostly undrunk baijiu was given to me, which is a real bonus because it is an expensive one. I left with my friend first, the three other teachers staying behind to discuss the events and to wonder if all foreigners have such a fancy for pineapply rice.

Indonesians come to China

Last week our company started the training event that we have been 'preparing' for the last few weeks. There are 32 Indonesians, all men and with varying levels of experience as operators of power stations. They are here for nearly 2 months, mostly for training on a simulator.

I've been struck by how incredibly friendly and modest they are. During the opening ceremony, their 'leader' was fraught with nerves and could barely speak. He said if they made any mistakes or did anything culturally inappropriate, they were very sorry. Absolutely nothing of the sort from our side.

The presenter and translator for the speeches of the 领导, ling dao, or leaders, was me. I can be spotted in the background of two of these photos.



http://www.npgc.net/news_detail.asp?id=356&pid=6



The speech delivered by our boss was actually written by someone else, and the first time he saw it was when he unfolded it from his pocket. The Indonesians sung their national anthem with vigour and rythm; our side sung theirs feebly. (The only saving grace was no-one asked me to sing God Save the Queen). My favourite part was when the boss explained how the boiler engineer couldn't make it because he was still compling the teaching materials, when, in fact, the company did not even have a boiler engineer present at that time. As for my translation, it was reasonable. Even the translators in our company were surprised I could understand the Chinese, despite working here for nearly half a year. The Indonesians also looked slightly confused by my presence.

The training is in its 9th day now. I've not actually been told to do anything (I have a lot of freedom as one of the two 'experts'), but I've been listening to each lecture every morning. All I can say, the importance of preparation should never be underestimated. A fairly simple piece of organization, this training, and the people in charge have fucked it up royally. I don't actually translate myself, just sit at the back taking notes, and try to give advice to our translators (Chinese engineer speaks Chinese, Chinese translator speaks English, Indonesians listen - yes, this is as problematic as it sounds).

Our company is nothing if not thrifty. If you want to use a paper cup, you have to apply for one. My suit (which is not the right size at all) cost 300 RMB, but they charged me 500 RMB for it ('standard company policy'). Initially, the boss said that, because the Indonesians going to the mosque on Friday is nothing to do with them, they should go by public bus. 32 non-Chinese speaking Indonesians piling onto overcrowded buses going to a place they don't know the location of? Brilliant. The snacks offered daily for the 32 Indonesian trainings during training consists of one bag of biscuits costing 2 pence. The classroom offered was a room in a hotel on the 'staff area' floor with no windows or ventilation. Even when the big boss saw this, he was pissed off. Although he only changed it when he knew the management from the Indonesian side were coming to look.

But anyway, it continues, and we'll see what happens.

Spring Break Ltd

A couple of weeks ago our company organised a 2-day 'chun you' 春游 (spring break), which is something where most people get out and about to make the most of the relatively pleasant spring weather. Most companies will offer this, and our boss, always one for skiving off work and driving her car round the outskirts of the city, organised a visit to some surrounding attractions for our 40-strong team. (Last week, she fell asleep on the couch in her office after a little too much liquid at lunchtime).

(photos available at this address: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=70507&id=510992267&l=35c1d2039f )

We gathered at 8am outside the company and boarded the coach. Just as I'm wondering where we're going, a microphone screeches and a booming, lispy voice comes at me from every direction. That was when I realised I was facing for the first time something I normally try and avoid - a tour guide.

My worst fears were confirmed when she tried to get us to do some 'wake-up games'. The sight of girls rubbing their heads with their left hand and boys rubbing their ears with their right hands holds zero amusement for me, and apparently for everyone as well, because no-one else joined in. Not to be deterred, our courageous guide, a young girl named Xiao Wang, sang us a very moving rendition of the Chinese equivalent of 'wheels on the bus' (or some such). The accompanying round of applause was, if not generous, at least sympathetic. At least we weren't distributed matching visors, and the attempts at colour-coding us into teams proved beyond her powers of organisation.

First stop was a small town next to Xian called Lantian. Almost every city or large town in China is famous for something, and Lantian is famous for jade. So we stopped in the main street and piled into a shop selling jade. I was surprised by how fascinated everyone was by the jade on offer as a) you can buy it everywhere and b) its probably fake. Instead I sat in the backroom with a copy of the Shaanxi Morning Post.

Later that morning, we drove to the outskirts of Lantian to Wang Shun Mountain. Snow still covered the ground, and with the clear blue skies and trees just starting to leave behind winter, it provided a very pleasant backdrop. Taking advantage of this rare opportunity for solitude, I charged ahead and was able to make the 3 hour climb to the top unfollowed by the rest of my 'team'. Stone steps snaked their way slowly up, past waterfalls and pavilions, the footprints of early climbers marking the way where the snow was heavy. Higher up, it was possible to see the surrounding peaks, stretching far away, with the occassional pavilion perched on the side.

However, it was still in China, which meant someone decided that the sound of birdsong and rushing water is insufficent, and needed to be completed by background music. Speakers were rigged to the overhead cable car, and the sort of music you hear in lifts in faux up-market shopping centres accompanied me up the mountain. It was even louder at the top, lilting across the ranges like goo.

The afternoon was followed a longish bus trip to the south of the province (Shaanxi) to Zhashui. On the bus, I was nominated by the assistant guide (a complete twat) to sing a song. I opted instead for a joke, and I'm pleased to say it went down like a sack of rain-soaked rice. Nothing like having to repeat a punchline. Three times. In Chinese.

Anyway, when we got there, the attraction was an ancient street where a film was once shot. In the evening, some of the men in our party thought it would be fun to get me drunk, but their shameful ability at drinking meant their efforts were short lived. The woman boss kept trying to encourage us to 'kao rou' (barbequing slithers of skewered-meat). Instead I was listening to the Chief Engineer in the company tell me all sorts of things that if I had only understood I am sure would have been of the utmost interest.

Sunday morning, I got up early and went for a wonder through the fields. With urbanisation incerasing at planet-destroying rates, its easy to forget that China is an agricultural based country. We got up nice and early and took a ride to the a series of caves with those 'rock icicle' things in. Inside were lots of surprisingly interesting and attractive rock formations and even more tourists. Our group got seperated after about 3 seconds and all different groups then moulded into one, big, slow moving group, like an oil spill in the ocean.

I have to say something about photography. Chinese just love taking pictures, particularly of themselves. Every time anyone got to anything remotely of interest ("this rock is slightly more pointy than the last one!"), they stand in front of it and get someone to take a picture of them. Invariably there are two 'poses', the word 'pose' now being a part of the lexicon of most young urbanites. One is the V sign (victory, not piss off), and the other is a completely expressionless face. I couldn't help but snigger when 3 of them had their battery run out. The forlorn, almost dazed, expression, was a photo opportunity in itself (if only they hadn't run out of battery). For them, that was the end of the trip, and they made swiftly for the exit.

Heading back to the smog of Xian, it was nice to have had a reminder that there is a whole lot more to China (and possibly life generally) than banging around in a city all day.

Who is Saddam Hussein

The last couple of weeks I've been doing some recruitment work for company, part of which involved me writing a short exam to test the written English ability of applicants. The final section was a reading comprehension and proofreading exercise. The final question was 'Who is Saddam Hussein'? I chose this question as a general knowledge question, although his name also appeared in the text. Here are some of the incorrect answers.

The President of Iraq

He is a terrorist, he always destroy the peace of the world

He is a publicly financed glorification of serving leader

He is the ex-President of Packstein and was hung years before

The president of Irak

A terrorist, the head of Iraq, did harm to the people in Iraq and also to the people in the whole world

He was thought to a terror and devil by Americans, but a hero in his country

The President of Afghanistan

America's President

The leader of a mideast country named Israel

'If you are honoured enough to join our company..."

Last Thursday I took part in a recruitment meeting for our company at the leading university in Xian. Officially due to the snow, although more probably due to the low salary on offer, attendees numbered around the 40 mark.

The presentation was delivered in a lecture room by our 'boss', the woman married to the Actual Boss. I used to think she was quite formidable, but have come to realise that she is hopelessly unqualified for this position. In fact, the whole company reminds me of a monarchy, with people being in high positions or promoted depending on their 'guanxi' (relations) with the other important people. Skill and ability are strictly secondary. It sounds a bit of a cliche to say this about China, but this is what was told to me the day after by the former head of the translation department. To save face, she wasn't sacked directly, but put in a position where leaving was the only real option. It's grim up top.

Anyway, back to the presentation. She fumbled about for 5 minutes with the computer, which turned out to be only preparation for even greater fumbling later on. Even if she had remembered to introduce herself, such was the paucity of her comments and apparent lack of knowledge about the company that the attendees must have been wondering 'Who is this woman', 'What does this company do again?', 'Why is her hairstyle like that of a racoon?', etc.

After skipping over unimportant facts like the nature and requirements of the job, etc, she went on to the bulk of her presentation - showing photos of Indonesia and Sudan, where the company have staff working overseas. She had turned into Judith Chalmers, telling us the delights of beaches and lobsters in Northern Sumatra. My favourite picture was the one of the outside of the car park building at Jakarta Airport - truly a decision-maker for those potential employees.

Then onto the videos. She decided to show some footage of the New Years Party. Just as my feeling of mortification was setting in (me in a dress is not pretty), I was saved by her terrible computer skills as she did not know how to press the 'Play' button on Windows Media. My favourite clip was of two people repairing an old, two wheeled wooden cart next to a pile of coal. So this is the high technology of which you speak! Sign me up!

Our current team of English translators suffers from the slight hindrance of not being to speak or understand English, so this time I interviewed all the people who had not already left to test their English. The level was extremely good. The head of the translation department (age:23) only came to this company by accident because she thought it was a state-owned company, and I got the feeling some of these guys might be under the same false impression. I asked one girl the differences between young and middle-aged people in China, and was given a slightly ribald and detailed response centering on sex.

Afterwards, Mrs Boss, myself and one of her lackeys (supposedly HR manager) had a good laugh comparing the attractiveness of the various female translators in our company. If only Mrs Boss paid as much attention to her presentations as she did to her withering critiques of the physical features of her staff, we might actually get somewhere.