Interviews, interviews, interviews

During the last 12 months, I have probably interviewed over a thousand potential translators. It's a fairly boring process, mainly because of the 'sameness' of the applicants and because I know the good people won't come to our company - only some of the people who scrape through will.

Recently, my first question has been "Hi, how are you?". A fair percentage of responses are "My name is ***", "I'm 23", or "What?". After I manage to extract a "I'm fine thank you, and you?" textbook answer, I ask them if they have an English name. Some of the names leave a little to be desired: Cherry, Summer, Daisy, Coffee, Mervin, Betty, Henry (a girl, and she had no idea what Henrietta was). Yesterday I was graced with the presence of someone called King Rick. King of what, I failed to ascertain.

I sometimes ask them "Why did you come here this morning?". The usual response (if they understood the question) is a "Durrr, how stupid are you?" face and the answer "Because I want a job". Then I ask "But why this job?". Then they say "Because my major is English and I love my major". From the ensuring conversation, it usually transpires that most people are so in love with their major they forgot to actually learn it.

Sometimes, before I even get the first question out, I get treated to an 'impromptu' speech. "Firstly, thank you for see me today, I am honoured to come to your great company, I want challenge myself, I think here I can do this. Thank you." Okay, lovely.

One person - it might have been our old friend Henry - said "thank you" at the end of every answer. "Where are you from?" "Xian. Thank you." "Why do you have a boy's name?" "I like. Thank you."

Most people who come here have depressingly bad English (because the good people go to other companies). It tends to be the people with foreign friends, work experience or confidence who actually speak better English. Whether someone has Zhuan Ba, a supposedly authoritative English exam certificate, is almost entirely unrelated to their ability to speak and understand English.

As for the CV, most of them are long on platitudes and short on experience, particularly for new graduates. A lot of Chinese university students are still seen as children, and most of them will not do any form of paid work until after they graduate. Almost no one will pay their way through university themselves, relying exclusively on parents and some occasional scholarships and government support.

Some people like to prepare an English CV and personal statement. King Rick - for it was he - prepared this moving letter. How he didn't pass will remain a mystery.

"MR (Miss),
"I prefer to recommend myself to your group rather than any other firms because I feel this job will be a challenge and I like to take challenges. Nowadays almost all the employers are asking for the experience. And to be honest, I'm just an unexperienced undergraduate from a college which is not famous, But I still want to tell you some advantages of mine so that u will not miss a talent. I have learned my main subject of journalism for four years, and there's really no need for you to worry about my sense of time and capacity of editor. I have been teaching my Israeli girlfriend Chinese for one year. Well, it was hard in the beginning, but now I'm sure I can handle it anytime. There is no smooth road in this world, but if we always keep learning, we can make all the impossible possible.
"Your company really attracts me. And every time I see it, I feel all the passion striking my mind. This is really amazing to stimulate my brain. I will have so much honor if I can join you.
"With all my heart, I truly hope that one chance will come soon. Appreciate it so much that you take your time to read my resume, and hope you'll see my potential standing in front of your.
"King Rick"